


Coming Home

by Libstar



Category: Holby City
Genre: AU, F/F, berena - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2018-10-08 22:28:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 43,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10397592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Libstar/pseuds/Libstar
Summary: Bernie comes home from her final tour, but it's not the way anyone expects.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another look into the Forever Kind of Love verse, Bernie comes home from her final tour and I take total liberties with timelines. This has been unfinished for a while and I've pushed through my writers block to get it done, there will likely be at least one more chapter after this. Dedicated again to Miranda who seemed to really enjoy this universe.

Bernie is blown back to them, literally, two months into her final tour and it's the most harrowing 48 hours of Serena’s life. She hears about an incoming army Major through the hospital grapevine before Bernie’s senior officer contacts her, Bernie is being airlifted out of Kandahar, via a military base in Germany and on to Holby City Hospitals Neurology unit. They don't tell her a lot and she's left to worry and pace for twenty four hours before Bernie even makes it back to the UK. She's there when the truck pulls up and they unload Bernie, battered, still scruffy in her ripped fatigues, but graciously conscious and joking with her fellow officers, the backboard bothers her but isn't a surprise and she feels the relief like a tangible ache.

  
“What have you been doing to yourself Major?” She asks, ignoring the husk in her own voice, not wanting to cry in front of either of their colleagues, Bernie’s eyes find hers with an ease which probably comes across as unnerving to anyone else and Serena can see the fear she's fighting so hard to hide from the others. The blonde moves her hand from where it is tucked under her thigh and reaches out, Serena doesn't hesitate in taking it. She hasn't been at Holby long enough to set down any real roots , to make any real friends. Most know she is married, that she has kids, but they don't know that it's to Bernie, nor that she's in the army not because she's ashamed, more because it's never really come up. In that moment it wouldn't have mattered either way though because feeling that Bernie is alive even if the rest is uncertain is all she needs.

* * *

  
They don't get a minute to themselves until minutes before Bernie is due to be taken down to theatre and even then it is only minutes. The prognosis is troubling, potentially fatal if not handled correctly, and although Serena understands the need to act quickly, she is also very much a woman facing the chance that she might lose her wife. She needs a minute with Bernie to, selfishly, take what she needs to get her through the next several hours.

  
“Where are the kids?” Bernie asks the minute the door closes and they are alone and Serena moves so she is perched on the edge of the blondes bed, taking a hand in one of her own and using the other to brush Bernie’s unruly fringe away from her eyes. There are tiny cuts all over her skin, a gash on her forehead and a bruise blooming on her cheek bone and Serena wishes she could take it all away.

  
“My mother has them, I didn't want to them to be here when I didn't know how you were going to be,” she said quietly, leaning so their foreheads were pressed together and trying to slow her heart rate to match the steady beep of Bernie’s monitors.

  
“Make sure they are here when I wake up…”

  
“Bernie…”

  
“Serena please,” it was the most desperate, the most upset she had sounded since she arrived and Serena could not deny her plea

  
“Ok darling, OK,”

  
“And promise you'll try and get some rest while I'm…”

  
“I'll try,” she soothed, there was denying that she was exhausted but sleep seemed like a distant dream. The nurse at the door interrupted them, informing them that the surgeon was ready and Serena squeezed the hand in hers, “I love you darling.”

  
“I love you too, I'll see you soon, OK?” Serena didn't trust her voice, simply nodding and pressing their lips together before stepping away and letting them wheel her wife out, only able to hope that Bernie would be brought back to her in one piece, able to walk again.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Against her better judgement she does as Bernie asked and leaves the hospital to try and get an hours sleep and then pick up the kids. She considers crashing in the on call room for half an hour, getting her mother to drop the children off later but she knows if she stays in the hospital she will get zero rest, the she will just end up pacing outside of Theatre until they bring Bernie out.

  
She ends up catching a very uncomfortable thirty minutes curled on Cam’s bed in her mothers spare room, all three of the kids wedged in around her. She doesn't sleep, but can't deny that the time with her eyes closed, with her babies close, makes her feel a little better, if no less worried. She's always known that there were serious risks with Bernie's work, deadly risks even, but she had almost persuaded herself that it wouldn't happen to them, especially with Bernie going into her final tour, she'd hoped that they would be some of the lucky ones. They still could be, Serena trusts Guy and Oliver, thinks they are good surgeons and she trusts in Bernie's fight to get back to her family but there's still that chance that Bernie's heart could give out before they have a chance to fix it and that is something there is no coming back from.

  
When they wheel Bernie back into the room she is glad that the kids have all fallen asleep because Bernie looks worse than she has ever seen her. She's barely conscious, still strapped to the back board and her skin is sallow and grey. Serena carefully and quietly moves her chair closer to the bed, taking Bernie’s hand and settling in to wait for Bernie to wake or the surgeon to come and update her on her wife's condition, whatever happens first.

  
She nearly loses it when they tell her that Bernie's heart stopped on the table, that it took them a good minute and a half to bring her back. She's been holding it in since Bernie's superiors called and confirmed her own fears, needing to be brave for Bernie, then for the kids, but hearing that she almost lost her wife, that her children almost lost their precious mumma, is almost too much and she buries her face in Charlotte's hair and takes long, slow breaths until the press of tears subsides.

Bernie comes round in increments, looking more and more dopey and happy each time. They've given her morphine, Serena can tell from the glassy eyes but at least it means she isn't in pain and she smiles like a loon when she hears Ellie crying across the room. Cam and Charlotte are being entertained in the break room by one of the nurses while Bernie gets coherent, so Serena sweeps Ellie up from her travel cot and pulls the visitors chair as close to the bed as she can get it so that Bernie doesn't have to twist very far to see her. Ellie settles almost as soon as she hears Bernie's voice and the moment fills Serena's heart with hope that, despite the short time they had to get to know each other, Bernie and Ellie have made a connection regardless of distance and lack of contact.

"Did you miss me little one?" she coos and Ellie almost wriggles out of Serena's arms in her excitement, "I can't hold you yet but I can't wait to give you a cuddle, and I'm not leaving, not anymore." hating that Bernie can't hold their little girl after so long apart she moves so she is perched on the bed, facing the same way as Bernie and holding Ellie between them where she can burrow into Bernie without hurting her, they don't have much space but its enough and if Serena is honest, she wants as little space between them as possible.

When Cam and Charlotte come back they are wary, Serena can see that Charlotte wants to run at Bernie and never let her go but her big brother hesitates and so she sticks by his side. She's become his tiny shadow in the last few months and Cam has taken to the roll of leader as naturally as his momma.

“Hey guys,” Bernie tries, shifting herself so she's sat up a little more than she probably should be,”you going to come and give me a hug?” Serena has put Ellie back in her cot with some toys so she moves to scoop Charlotte onto her hip, dropped her hand onto Cam's head, and ushered them both further into the room.

“Come on you two, if you're very careful not to hurt her you can give momma a big hug,”

“Momma,” Charlotte says quietly, her bottom lip wobbles and fat tears start to fall down her face, “you ok?”

“Come here princess,” Bernie murmurs patting the bed beside her and waiting until Serena puts Charlotte beside her and hugging her as best she can, “I'm ok baby, I'm ok, I promise.”

There's tears from all of them when it's time to leave and although she would rather stay Serena knows that Bernie needs her rest and she and the kids could do with the sleep too. Cam and Charlotte are curled on either side of Bernie who has been sleeping fitfully for the past hour, both clinging to her hands and the only way that Serena can get them to leave is by promising that she will bring them in the next morning before nursery and school. She rouses Bernie briefly so they can all kiss her goodbye, moves her phone so she can reach it if she needs it, makes her promise to rest and then bundles them all out of the door.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, it's not all sunshine and roses but it's better than thinking about what's coming next week.

Serena can't remember the last time she was pleased to have given her mother a key to the house. Usually her mother just appears to chastise her for not calling or visiting, blows through the house, spoils the children, makes flippant comments about the state of the place and then leaves. But as she slips through the door that evening, all three children clinging to her and four lots of bags balanced on one shoulder, she's pleased to find the hall warm and inviting, the smell of dinner wafting through the place.

  
As much as Adrienne tries to get the children to leave her be for five minutes Serena still ends up eating her dinner with Charlotte sat on her knee and Cam's chair pulled as close as he could get to his mums, Ellie the only one, too young to understand, willing to be parted from her mum but only as far as her grandmothers knee. Give her her due Adrienne tried to keep conversation going but the kids were tired and Serena was beyond exhausted, only eating dinner because she knew that if she didn't the kids probably wouldn't either.

  
She doesn't get any time to herself until her mother insists that she go and take a shower and the bathroom door is barely closed behind her when the inevitable tears come. She hasn't allowed herself to cry since she got the call to say Bernie was on her way home, has been do using on being strong for the children, for her wife, but she's exhausted, still reeling from the knowledge that there were a few moments the previous afternoon when her Bernie was actually dead and she can't hold it in any longer. She doesn't wait for the water to heat up, steps straight under the spray and turns her head up towards it, her tears mixing with the water as it warms.

  
It takes her a while to stop and when she does she feels sick, more exhausted if possible and she wants nothing more than to crawl into bed with Bernie and sleep this nightmare away. Instead she must plaster on a face that tells the kids it's ok and try and persuade them to sleep. She groans as she steps out of the ensuit to the sight of Cam and Charlotte curled up in her bed, Ellie being bounced around the room by Adrienne, she should have known that they would want to be close tonight, that there would be no chance they would sleep anywhere else.

  
“She screams every time I try to put her down,” Adrienne offers by way of explanation and Serena sighs, rubs at her eyes and holds out her arms for the girl. If her mother notices she's been crying she says nothing, hands Ellie over and gives Serena's arm a squeeze, probably the most comforting gesture she is ever likely to receive from her mother.

  
“I'll let myself out. If you need anything, call me.” She nods but knows she won't, knows there are other people she would call first whatever the situation but also knows her mother only really says it out of social convention, does not expect a call from her daughter, knows she only got one in the first place because it was Bernie who was in trouble and Sian was out of town. Serena offers her quiet thanks before she turns her attention back to her family, bounces around the room with Ellie drawing curtains and turning on lamps. She nips along to the kids bedrooms, gets Cam’s favourite stuffed dinosaur, Lottie’s blankie and Ellie's stuffed rabbit, the one that Bernie bought on the day she was born, then goes back. She shuffles them around until they are comfortable, Cam on one side, Charlotte on the other and Ellie curled on her chest and watches them all as they drift off. Cameron is the first to fully succumb, thumb in his mouth and a handful of her pyjama top scrunched up in his fist, it's been almost a year since she last saw him suck his thumb, didn't even fall back on it when Bernie left for her tour and she hopes he hasn't taken a step backwards. Charlotte goes next, her whole body wrapped around her blankie like a monkey in a tree, her blonde hair is crazy, just like Bernie's, and she reaches out to smooth it down a little, thinks it might be time for a hair cut, is sure she will have forgotten the thought in the morning. Elinor, as usual, takes a little longer and Serena strokes her hair and her back as her tired eyes fight sleep, she has inherited Serena's stubbornness, that is evident, but knows that Bernie will no doubt be able to temper it in their little girl the same way she does in Serena herself.

  
When Ellie's eyes finally close and stay closed she lets out a sigh of relief and her eyes find the clock, 7:30 is far earlier than she would ever usually go to sleep but she knows she needs it and she knows she can't move without disturbing at least on of the kids so she tries to get as comfortable as she can and then systematically relaxes every muscle in her body. By 7:48 every one in the Wolfe household is sleeping peacefully.

 


	4. Chapter 4

  
The next few days are hell. Serena spends her days between the children and Bernie’s bedside, she barely sleeps. Sharing their king sized bed with some combination of children. The nightmares are back too, with an intensity she hasn’t experienced since Bernie’s second tour in Iraq when Bernie had been unable to contact her for a whole months and all Serena had to appraise her of the situation was what news was coming out of the area.

On Wednesday, after four days of this, she sends Cam and Charlotte to stay with her mother for the night in the hope that she can manage even a few hours of sleep not interrupted by nightmares or a well placed elbow or foot in her ribs or her bladder. She leaves the hospital early, Bernie has been moody and snappy all day and although she more than understands her reasons and frustrations, Serena knows that she is too tired to stop herself snapping back and she doesn’t want them to fight. Ellie is grizzly too, Serena is sure that she is cutting another tooth, and she uses that as her excuse, kisses Bernie lightly on the cheek, tells her she loves her and leaves quietly.

The drive home puts Ellie to sleep so Serena carries her into the house in her car seat, loath to wake her. It’s still early, but with Cam and Charlotte out for the night and the house surprisingly tidy (she figures her mother is to thank for that) she decides she can afford to close her eyes until Ellie wakes up and wants her tea. Putting the car seat beside the sofa she kicks off her shoes, turns the radio on for some background noise and curls up under the wool throw from the back of the sofa. She tosses and turns for a while, feels guilty for leaving Cam and Charlotte with her mother, for leaving Bernie at the hospital before exhaustion wins and she drifts off to sleep.

She wakes suddenly, her heart pounding, her hands shaking and sweat soaking her back, the faded images of an unremembered nightmare slowly leaving her. Ellie is awake and playing with the stuffed rabbit that goes everywhere with her, she’s content where she is, but Serena needs to hold onto something tangible, something living and breathing so she lift hers out of her seat, holds her close, presses kisses to the top of her head as she walks them to the kitchen to sort dinner. Putting Ellie into her highchair with a teething ring she is pleased that she had the foresight to pull something out of the freezer that morning so that she doesn’t have to start from scratch, uses the time it takes to warm to check in with her mother and the kids, tells them she loves them even though she knows they aren’t really listening. She feeds them both from the same dish, her appetite isn’t at its best anyway and although she knows that she needs to eat, she also knows that a large portion would just put her off.

Her phone rings while they are lying on the bed, post bath, having some much loved and missed mummy baby time without the interruption of a toddler wanting to join in or wanting attention. It’s one of the things she loves about having a baby in the house again, these peaceful moments that wont last as soon as Ellie is old enough to keep up with her older siblings. Ellie is dosing against her chest so she keeps one hand on her back, drawing soothing circles as the other reaches for the phone on the bedside, holds it above them as she answers the FaceTime to her wife, a smile already on her face.

“Hi,” she says when she connection loads through and she is met with Bernie’s smiling face, she still looks tired, pale, but some of the colour is returning to her cheeks, she was up and walking earlier in the day and although it wasn’t far, it’s a start,

“Hello ladies,” Bernie grins but Serena can see the sadness in her eyes, knows that she hates that she is missing this even though she’s so close to home, “Am I interrupting something?”

“Not at all,” Serena says gently, “We both wish you were here. How are you feeling?”

“Guilty as all hell,” Bernie sighs, “I’m sorry Serena, I’ve been awful I…”

“I understand,” Serena interrupts, Ellie snuffles and then settles again and Serena absently trails her hand over the back of her head, “I know you Bernie Wolfe and I know how frustrated you’re going to be for the next little while but it doesn’t change the fact that I love you.”

“They offered me another ten years, a full commission,” it’s so quiet that she thinks she could have imagined it but she lets Bernie work through whatever she is mulling over, knows that she will get there eventually, “I never considered taking it, never wanted to take it, but this, this is going to end in a medical discharge I know it is, it takes it out of my hands and honestly, its bugging me a bit.”

“Oh Bernie,” Serena says and her smile is soft, her eyes loving, “I’d rather you have the choice to take the commission that have you go through all of this but I’d rather not have to choose either.”

“I never even considered taking it you know, the thought never crossed my mind but I’ve heard a rumour that you might have some news to tell me?” Serena knows that Bernie is using this as a diversion to move away from talking about herself, has learnt over the years that Bernie will give her more when she’s ready, that pushing will only make it worse so instead she takes the lead from her wife, huffs and rolls her eyes lightly.

“I swear, the nurses in that place! Give me five minutes to get this little angel into bed and I’ll call you back? We’ll talk properly.”

 

* * *

 

When Serena wakes the sun is shining through a gap in the curtains, Ellie appears to be trying to fit both of her feet in her mouth at the same time in her cot and Bernie is still watching her on the screen of the iPad, a serene smile on her face.

“Morning sleeping beauty,” she smiles and Serena’s heart almost bursts with the joy that this is their life now, that once Bernie gets out of the hospital her wife is home for good.

“Morning, have you had any sleep at all?” Serena stretches and checks the time, can’t remember the last night she had such a solid, uninterrupted sleep, can’t deny that she feels 100x better because of it.

“Enough,” Bernies smile only gets wider, “I had something much better to get me through the night and I have news,”

“Well? Don’t keep me waiting when I haven’t had my morning coffee. If you’ve forgotten the basics Major we might have problems.”

“Oh no, I haven’t forgotten,” Bernie smirks

“Then why am I still waiting?” Serena asks, mock serious, and thrills at the honk of laughter it pulls from Bernie

“Guy has been in this morning, he says I can come home,”

“When?”

“As soon as you get here to take me.”

“Give me an hour,” Serena is already moving, working out what she needs to do between now and then, “And for gods sake don’t land yourself back in theatre before I get there.”


	5. Chapter 5

  
The next few days are hell. Serena spends her days between the children and Bernie’s bedside, she barely sleeps. Sharing their king sized bed with some combination of children. The nightmares are back too, with an intensity she hasn’t experienced since Bernie’s second tour in Iraq when Bernie had been unable to contact her for a whole months and all Serena had to appraise her of the situation was what news was coming out of the area.

On Wednesday, after four days of this, she sends Cam and Charlotte to stay with her mother for the night in the hope that she can manage even a few hours of sleep not interrupted by nightmares or a well placed elbow or foot in her ribs or her bladder. She leaves the hospital early, Bernie has been moody and snappy all day and although she more than understands her reasons and frustrations, Serena knows that she is too tired to stop herself snapping back and she doesn’t want them to fight. Ellie is grizzly too, Serena is sure that she is cutting another tooth, and she uses that as her excuse, kisses Bernie lightly on the cheek, tells her she loves her and leaves quietly.

The drive home puts Ellie to sleep so Serena carries her into the house in her car seat, loath to wake her. It’s still early, but with Cam and Charlotte out for the night and the house surprisingly tidy (she figures her mother is to thank for that) she decides she can afford to close her eyes until Ellie wakes up and wants her tea. Putting the car seat beside the sofa she kicks off her shoes, turns the radio on for some background noise and curls up under the wool throw from the back of the sofa. She tosses and turns for a while, feels guilty for leaving Cam and Charlotte with her mother, for leaving Bernie at the hospital before exhaustion wins and she drifts off to sleep.

She wakes suddenly, her heart pounding, her hands shaking and sweat soaking her back, the faded images of an unremembered nightmare slowly leaving her. Ellie is awake and playing with the stuffed rabbit that goes everywhere with her, she’s content where she is, but Serena needs to hold onto something tangible, something living and breathing so she lift hers out of her seat, holds her close, presses kisses to the top of her head as she walks them to the kitchen to sort dinner. Putting Ellie into her highchair with a teething ring she is pleased that she had the foresight to pull something out of the freezer that morning so that she doesn’t have to start from scratch, uses the time it takes to warm to check in with her mother and the kids, tells them she loves them even though she knows they aren’t really listening. She feeds them both from the same dish, her appetite isn’t at its best anyway and although she knows that she needs to eat, she also knows that a large portion would just put her off.

Her phone rings while they are lying on the bed, post bath, having some much loved and missed mummy baby time without the interruption of a toddler wanting to join in or wanting attention. It’s one of the things she loves about having a baby in the house again, these peaceful moments that wont last as soon as Ellie is old enough to keep up with her older siblings. Ellie is dosing against her chest so she keeps one hand on her back, drawing soothing circles as the other reaches for the phone on the bedside, holds it above them as she answers the FaceTime to her wife, a smile already on her face.

“Hi,” she says when she connection loads through and she is met with Bernie’s smiling face, she still looks tired, pale, but some of the colour is returning to her cheeks, she was up and walking earlier in the day and although it wasn’t far, it’s a start,

“Hello ladies,” Bernie grins but Serena can see the sadness in her eyes, knows that she hates that she is missing this even though she’s so close to home, “Am I interrupting something?”

“Not at all,” Serena says gently, “We both wish you were here. How are you feeling?”

“Guilty as all hell,” Bernie sighs, “I’m sorry Serena, I’ve been awful I…”

“I understand,” Serena interrupts, Ellie snuffles and then settles again and Serena absently trails her hand over the back of her head, “I know you Bernie Wolfe and I know how frustrated you’re going to be for the next little while but it doesn’t change the fact that I love you.”

“They offered me another ten years, a full commission,” it’s so quiet that she thinks she could have imagined it but she lets Bernie work through whatever she is mulling over, knows that she will get there eventually, “I never considered taking it, never wanted to take it, but this, this is going to end in a medical discharge I know it is, it takes it out of my hands and honestly, its bugging me a bit.”

“Oh Bernie,” Serena says and her smile is soft, her eyes loving, “I’d rather you have the choice to take the commission that have you go through all of this but I’d rather not have to choose either.”

“I never even considered taking it you know, the thought never crossed my mind but I’ve heard a rumour that you might have some news to tell me?” Serena knows that Bernie is using this as a diversion to move away from talking about herself, has learnt over the years that Bernie will give her more when she’s ready, that pushing will only make it worse so instead she takes the lead from her wife, huffs and rolls her eyes lightly.

“I swear, the nurses in that place! Give me five minutes to get this little angel into bed and I’ll call you back? We’ll talk properly.”

 

When Serena wakes the sun is shining through a gap in the curtains, Ellie appears to be trying to fit both of her feet in her mouth at the same time in her cot and Bernie is still watching her on the screen of the iPad, a serene smile on her face.

“Morning sleeping beauty,” she smiles and Serena’s heart almost bursts with the joy that this is their life now, that once Bernie gets out of the hospital her wife is home for good.

“Morning, have you had any sleep at all?” Serena stretches and checks the time, can’t remember the last night she had such a solid, uninterrupted sleep, can’t deny that she feels 100x better because of it.

“Enough,” Bernies smile only gets wider, “I had something much better to get me through the night and I have news,”

“Well? Don’t keep me waiting when I haven’t had my morning coffee. If you’ve forgotten the basics Major we might have problems.”

“Oh no, I haven’t forgotten,” Bernie smirks

“Then why am I still waiting?” Serena asks, mock serious, and thrills at the honk of laughter it pulls from Bernie

“Guy has been in this morning, he says I can come home,”

“When?”

“As soon as you get here to take me.”

“Give me an hour,” Serena is already moving, working out what she needs to do between now and then, “And for gods sake don’t land yourself back in theatre before I get there.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally typical that now that I have two weeks off work my muse flies out the window. Why is it I can write thousands of words a day when I have a word document that I flick backwards and forwards to throughout my work day but as soon as I have the time to sit and just write I end up stuck on a Pinterest loop that I can't get out of?!

Having Bernie home is equal parts a joy and a nightmare. Serena knows she shouldn't be surprised that she is such an awful patient, has known this about her wife since the first time Bernie got the flu the year they met and ended up fainting in a practical class because she refused to take the time to get better, but it's been so long since Bernie was really sick, since she had her around at all to be honest, that she is surprised by it all.

  
The first night she is home Serena comes from putting Cam to bed and checking on Charlotte to find that the blonde has lifted Ellie from the floor, carried her to the kitchen, heated her bottle and made it back to the arm chair in the living room where she is cooing over their little girl while she has her last bottle of the day. Faced with Serena's raised eyebrow Bernie simply shrugs and smile,

  
“She was starting to fuss and I didn't want you to have to rush with the others, I'm totally fine.”

  
“You aren't totally fine and I'm sure if Guy Self thought you'd be carrying your six month old around the place the minute you got home he'd have kept you in the hospital,” it comes off angrier than she’d like but she hopes that Bernie knows it comes from a place of worry, that she loves nothing more than seeing the two of them getting on so well after a relatively short time getting to know each other. She leaves them to it, still doesn't want to fight, and potters around cleaning the kitchen and stacking the dishwasher with the dinner dishes.

  
When she's finished she checks that the sofa bed in the office is up to scratch, lays out a bottle of water and Bernie's pain pills for the night and returns to the living room. Ellie appears to be drifting off to sleep having drunk her fill when she heads back into the living room and she moves to balance herself on the arm of the chair beside Bernie, loops her arm around her shoulder.

  
“It's good to have you home,” she murmurs, leaning to press a kiss to the top of Bernie's head, “but next time you want to be home in a hurry please don't get yourself blown up to do it,”

  
“There won't be a next time,” Bernie says, but she only has eyes for Ellie, “I'm not leaving any of you again, not for anything,”

  
“You know, medical discharge aside, if you had wanted to take that full commission I never would have stopped you,” she's been thinking about it a lot since Bernie mentioned it on the phone, the possibility of another ten years and, as much as she misses Bernie when she's gone,, worries for her when she's gone, she knows how much Bernie loves the army, how much Bernie grew up wanting to follow her fathers footsteps to the army. When Bernie says nothing, she tells her as much, stroking her fingers constantly through the messy blonde hair.

  
“You're right, I did grow up wanting to follow my father, but it wasn't just that and it was before you, before us, before you gave me the family I never dared to hope for,” Bernie still can't take her eyes off Ellie but shifts so she is rested more fully against Serena's side and she tightens her grip around her wife's shoulder, knows she's about to be clued into something Bernie has never shared with her before, probably won't volunteer to share again, “you know how it was growing up with my parents, how long it took them to accept you, to accept their grandchildren. When you hear that what you feel is wrong, that the best place for people ‘like that’ is the army where it will be beaten out of them, you start to believe it. You showed me though that I could have both, that I could have the family I craved and the career I always wanted. But somewhere along the way I realised that the army meant nothing when what I had waiting for me was so much more. Leaving you all each time killed me but I knew I was just counting down tours until I could come home for good. I've felt the same since the first time I came back and you'd turned our house into a home. The offer of a commission, it felt good, but I've never wanted more, at least, not until now, not until it really wasn't an option.” Serena doesn't know what to say, so she keeps quiet, strokes Bernie's hair as she strokes Ellie's. Everything the blonde says has been alluded to before but never said so candidly and Serena feels privileged to hear it at all.   
In some respects there is still a lot of each other they don't know about each other, things about their childhoods, their families, that they never shared because the present was much more important when time was limited, but now that they have the time, Serena looks forward to learning these little things about her wife.

  
“I should get Ellie up to bed,” she says after they've sat in comfortable silence for long minutes, Ellie is asleep in Bernie's arms and Serena wants to move her as much for Bernie, she can't be comfortable sat the way she is and she's overdue her next pain medication. She watches Bernie lean down and press a kiss to their little girls head, whisper ‘goodnight angel, sleep tight,’ against her skin before she turns to Serena with a smile.

  
“I know you need to sleep upstairs tonight but once she's settled can we lie together for a while?” Serena chuckles lightly, stoops down to scoop Ellie into her arms, catches Bernie's mouth in a brief kiss on her way back up and Bernie smiles, doesn't need a vocal answer. Serena can only hope that Ellie settles quickly, knows that Bernie is probably tireder than she realises, than she would admit but wants to spend at least a little time, just the two of them.

* * *

 

When she gets back down stairs, the children all sleeping soundly and changed into her own pyjamas, she finds Bernie in the office come guest room already changed and under the covers. The covers are folded back invitingly and Serena doesn't hesitate in climbing in beside her wife, curling up on her side so she can look at her, savour the fact that she's home, that they are finally together for good, for keeps.

  
She tries to ignore the dressings, one sticking out of the top of Bernie's sleep shirt, the other cutting across the perfect column of her neck, permanent reminders of the fact she very nearly lost her wife, her other half, her souls mate.

  
“I'm ok,” Bernie says gently, reads Serena's mind like she has always been able to, “are you ok though? You look so tired Serena.”

  
“You try sharing a bed with three kids three nights in a row,” Serena chuckles humourlessly, presses her face into Bernie's shoulder, breathes her in, hates the faint hospital smell that clings to her skin and her clothes, wonders if she smells the same to Bernie,

  
“It's not just that though is it? Are the, have you been having nightmares again?” Serena simply nods against Bernie's arm, hates how weak she feels at that admission, chokes back a sob when she feels Bernie's fingers in her hair, her hand at her waist. She's done so well, hidden her pain from everyone but with Bernie right there, right where she belongs she can't hold it back any longer. For the first time since the shower the day Bernie came out of surgery she lets herself cry and knows that this time, Bernie is there to catch her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a funny old few days but here's my latest offering, a little longer than I normally stretch.
> 
> I honestly thought that having time off work would make me more,moot less productive, but it turns out when I don't have a million things to focus on my muse flies away too.
> 
> I'm trying to alternate updates between this fic and my other WIP Sabbatical which is set in the same universe as this.
> 
> I've also realised that I'm rubbish at replying to comments, it's mostly because you are all so nice and I have so little belief in my writing that I just don't know what to say, but know that they are all read and appreciated and saved in a special folder for the days when I'm having a really awful crisis of confidence.

_Serena is running, she doesn't know why or where to, only knows that she can't stop, that she must run faster. Despite the darkness, the chill in the air, the sand beneath her bare feet is warm, almost uncomfortably so. She stumbles once, twice, but keep going, an invisible force spurring her on._

  
_A scream splits the air, sounds suspiciously like her name and she stumbles again at the familiarity of it, casts around for the origin of the sound, her eyes unable to penetrate the darkness further than a foot in front of her._

  
_The screams continue as she pushes herself to run on, her heart pounding in her chest, her lungs tight and heavy, it all gets worse when she realises that the voice is Bernie, the she is in pain or danger somewhere and Serena must reach her._

  
_‘BERNIE!’ She screams, but the sound seems to echo around her as if she is suddenly surrounded by tall walls, ‘BERNIE’_

* * *

 

Serena wakes with a start, soaked in sweat and face wet with tears, a panic attack in full force. Later she will hate the fact that she has forgotten every piece of advice she would ever give someone else but all she can do in the moment is try and force oxygen into her burning lungs.

  
“Mummy?” The voice shocks her enough to open her eyes and she finds Cam stood at the end of the bed looking worried, “you ok?”

  
“I'm fine darling,” she tries to breathe, “what are you doing out of bed?”

  
“You were shouting for mumma, you sounded scared,” Cam is matter of fact but he still looks worried so Serena reaches for him, pulls him close for a hug, her chest still burning in as she attempts to battle away the panic.

  
“It was just a bad dream,” she murmurs into his hair, “I'm ok, I promise.”

  
“Serena?” Her eyes fly to the door and she can't believe what she is seeing, Bernie is leant in the door frame out of breathe and sweating and she wonders exactly how loud she was shouting in her sleep if she managed to wake Bernie too.

  
“Mummy had a nightmare mumma,” Cameron supplies when it's clear that Serena isn't about to say anything, she is too torn between mad and relieved to manage to put together a sentence, “I came to make sure she was ok because I knew you were stuck downstairs.”

  
In the time it takes Cam to fill her in Bernie makes her way across the room, almost collapses on the end of the bed and Serena watches her with concern as she tries to get her breath back. It's been almost two weeks and it's the first time Bernie has ventured up the stairs, it's not the first time Serena has had a nightmare but it's the first time she's woken up the whole house doing it.

  
“Thank you Cam,” Bernie smiles, reaches out to take their sons hand, “ it took me a while to get up the stairs so I'm glad mummy had someone with her until I got here.” Cam puffs his chest out with pride and Bernie offers him a gentle smile, all Serena can do is watch on, try to bring her body back under her control. “Do you think you can go back to sleep?”  
“Yeah, if you're going to look after mummy?”

  
“Of course I am little man,” Bernie ruffles his hair, “say goodnight and I'll take you back to bed.”

  
“It's ok mumma, I can take myself, you should stay with mummy,” he says sagely and leans over to hug Serena, “love you mummy, mumma will protect you from the bad dreams now,”

  
“I love you too sweetheart, thank you for coming to check on me,” Serena kisses his head, strokes his cheek and smiles as she watches his make his way to Bernie, the way he is still so gentle with her as they hug and share a brief whispered conversation.

  
“Is there room in there for me or do I have to go back downstairs?” Bernie asks with a cheeky smile when Cam is safely back to his room and Serena rolls her eyes, pats the bed next to her expectantly,

  
“You've made it all the way up here, I think you deserve a reward.” She smiles, she should be mad that Bernie was stupid enough to try the stairs alone but there will always be a part of her that thrills at how protective Bernie is of her.

  
“I know you're a little bit cross with me Mrs Wolfe, but you sounded terrified, I couldn't just leave you. I thought the nightmares had stopped?” Serena rolls into Bernie's side the minute she is settled in their bed, gets herself comfortable in a way they have quickly learnt is comfortable for Bernie too, “I love you.”

  
“Love you too Major,” Serena murmurs and she can already feel herself dropping back to sleep now that she has her safety blanket beside her’ in their bed where she belongs, “welcome home.”

* * *

 

When Serena wakes again it's to the sound of whispered conversation and the early morning sun bathing the room in a warm glow. She panics briefly, worried that she's slept through her alarm and is late for work before she remembers that she has rota’d herself off for the whole weekend to spend with her family. Stretching, she rolls onto her back and cracks her eyes open, finds Bernie already sat up beside her with Charlotte in her lap, reading from their middle child's favourite book, Cam is curled up at her feet drawing in his ever present sketch book and Ellie appears to be singing to herself in her cot. Cam is the first to notice that she's awake and he grins at her, scrambles up the bed to give her a hug the minute she holds her arms out to him and before she knows it Lottie has joined in and Bernie is looking down at her with a wide, loving smile on her face.

  
“Morning sleepyhead,” she grins and Serena can't help but grin back, even after the nightmare of the previous night, the real reason why she is waking up with Bernie beside her, she can't help but be thrilled about the normality of it all,

  
“Morning,” she murmurs, pushing herself up once the children have eased up a bit, leaning up to kiss Bernie lightly. Ellie’s singing gets louder in the corner and Serena chuckles, pushes herself up to scoop Ellie from the cot, brings her back to the bed to join the party.

  
She ends up curled into Bernie's side, Ellie shifted to her mumma’s knee, the other children squeezed between their legs. It's the type of slow, lazy morning she misses so much when Bernie is away and she realises in that moment that it's something she can now indulge in whenever she wants.

  
“What do you feel up to doing today?” She asks, presses a kiss to Bernie's shoulder,   
“I thought we could take the kids to the park, feed the ducks then I'll treat you all to lunch,” Bernie suggests and Serena can hear how excited she is at the thought of being out of the house longer than the time it takes to get from the front door to the car and into the hospital. “It won't be all candle light and expensive Shiraz, but who knows, give it two more weeks and we might be able to leave these three with your mum for the night so I can wine and dine you properly.”

  
“I can't wait,” Serena leans up, presses a kiss to her wife's cheek then scoops Ellie up, giggling and squealing, “come on then, breakfast time.”

  
It takes longer than it usually would to corral all of the children into clothes while she gets herself ready and gives Bernie a helping hand. The blonde proves to be a huge distraction for Charlotte particularly, who decides that it's the perfect time to show her mumma all of the new clothes she's gotten since Bernie was last home. It takes Serena sweeping her up, making her shriek and then tickling her until she promises to do whatever mummy wants, to get her to get dressed. Serena isn't sure she knew a four year olds wardrobe could make so much mess or take up so much space but she doesn't care enough to clear it away there and then, finds spending the time with her family to be much more important.

  
It's not until everyone else is dressed and she's got the kids distracted with whatever CBeebies offers up on a Saturday morning that Serena manages to haul herself into the shower. Being a mother has given her a brand new appreciation for the decision to cut her hair short and within ten minutes she is climbing out of the shower reaching blindly for a towel. It's not until she's wiped the suds from her eyes that she realises Bernie is leant in the doorway, a smile playing on her face, she's put on a little makeup, fixed her hair and thrown on one of Serena's favourite white shirts with the skinny jeans Serena helped her into earlier. If it wasn't for the still pink scar on her neck, the second peaking above the top two undone buttons on her shirt Serena could almost forget the last few weeks.

  
“You're staring Major,” she says with a chuckle, moves towards the blonde and kisses her lightly as she slips past into the bedroom,

  
“When your wife is as beautiful as you it's hard not to,” Bernie says and Serena rolls her eyes at the cheesy line,

  
“Flattery will get you nowhere,” she smirks, dropping the towel because two can play at this game, the groan she hears from behind her makes it worth it as she steps into her underwear and then Bernie's hands are on the bare skin of her waist making her jump, her lips are warm against her shoulder,

  
“You aren't playing fair Serena,” Bernie mutters into her skin and Serena spins, hugs her as tight as she dares.

  
“I'm sorry darling, I couldn't resist.”

* * *

 

Serena only needs to give the stick by the front door a pointed look for Bernie to pick it up on their way out. She knows that Bernie hates the sign of weakness but also knows that her wife needs it if she wants to get better quickly. There's a fight over who gets to sit next to Bernie in the back seat which ends in the not ideal but better than a tantrum compromise of Bernie sitting in the middle, her long legs tucked up to her chest but the children at least happy. Serena thinks that now Bernie has proved she can handle the stairs as long as she goes slowly and the dressings are off, that once the children are all asleep that night, she might just treat them both to a long hot soak in the tub, purely medicinal of course.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been written for about a week but I'm going through a phase of writing things by hand and it always takes me an age to motivate myself to type up once I'm done.  
> There's another update of Sabbatical written too so I'll build myself up for that next!

“Ok?” Serena askes as she slides into the hot water behind Bernie, rests her arms lightly over her stomach.

“Perfect,” Bernie sighs, relaxes fully back into Serena’s body, turns her face into the brunettes neck and breathes deeply. Serena allows herself to relax along with her and lets herself enjoy having Bernie so close for the first time in almost six months.

Usually their first night back together is hot and heavy, both too fragile to deal with anything more emotional and Serena had been worried that being close to Bernie like this would ignite that spark, that need in her that couldn’t yet be sated. But, as she holds her wife close, all she feels is contentment and peace.

Its been a tiring day for all of them but more so for Bernie who still isn’t fully back to strength, so when Serena feels her fall into a dose, go slack in her arms, she allows the nap for a little while, happy to simply hold her without barriers. They’d spent the morning at the park, feeding the ducks, Serena running round with Charlotte and Cam while Bernie watched from a bench, Ellie cuddled on her knee. Then, as promised, Bernie had treated them to lunch at one of hers and Serena’s favourite cafes. Serena had been able to see that just the morning had taken its toll on the blonde, that she needed to rest, probably take a nap, but faced with the pleading faces of their children, Cam wanting to visit the big toy shop and Charlotte begging for the Disney Store, Bernie had been unable to say no and had trudged on. She’d managed a small nap, her head in Serena’s lap, Serena’s fingers in her hair, before dinner but even that hadn’t taken the edge off the exhaustion and Serena had been worried that she wouldn’t make it through their evening meal.

She lets Bernie sleep until the water starts to cool around them and she begins to worry that Ellie might wake up and start to cry. Carefully, she traces her fingers over Bernie’s stomach, presses a lingering kiss to her temple.

“Bernie,” she murmurs against the skin under her lips, “Darling I need you to wake up.” Bernie comes awake in increments, rubs at her face, looks at her hand confused when it makes her face wet, until she remembers she is in the bath.

“Sorry,” she mutters though she can’t seem to find the energy to move and Serena kisses her again, strokes a hand down her arm.

“It’s ok, I’d have let you sleep but the water is starting to get cold. Now slide forward so I can get out and then I’ll give you a hand up.” It says a lot about how exhausted Bernie is that she doesn’t argue, accepts the help and allows herself to be supported through to the bedroom. Serena towels her off quickly and helps her into pyjamas and puts her to bed before she sorts herself out.

“You’re beautiful,” Bernie slurs and Serena turns to look at her in just her pyjama bottoms and a sports bra and raises her eyebrow. Bernie’s eyes are barely open but she is grinning widely.

“If I didn’t know better Major, I’d think you were drunk.” She chuckles, tosses her towel back through the en suit doors, knowing that she’ll be doing a wash in the morning.

“Pssht,” Bernie waves her hand to disregard the comment, “You’re beautiful Serena,”

“And you’re exhausted,” Serena says lightly, perching on the edge of the bed and brushing the ever unruly fringe out of Bernie’s face, “Go to sleep darling,”

“You aren’t coming to bed?”

“I’ve got some paperwork to finish up.” Serena says, brushing away Bernie’s pet lip with the pad of her thumb, “It’ll take me an hour, tops, and then I’ll come back to bed, I promise.”

“You’re the boss, can’t you get someone else to do it?” it’s a huff and Serena struggles not to laugh at the petulant face.

“I don’t start until Monday sweetheart, but heading a department is likely to bring more paperwork rather than less. Go to sleep Bernie, I promise I’ll be here the next time you wake up.”

* * *

 

Serena lets Bernie sleep well past breakfast the next day, knowing that she needs it from the fact she’s slept so long. She had been deep asleep when Serena made it to bed the previous night, hadn’t even stirred when she curled up beside her.

She feels like an awful mother but she plonks the kids in front of the TV with a film so she can get the housework done and the dinner ready in time for her mother coming at three. Bernie finds her in the kitchen peeling potatoes, she’s dressed, has washed her hair and Serena wonders briefly at the fact she hasn’t heard her moving around before Bernie leans up against her side, gives her shoulder a nudge.

“You should have woken me,”

“You clearly needed the sleep,”

“Well now that I’m awake what can I do?” Bernie moves behind her, slips her arms around her waist and she settles back against her for a moment, the potato in her hand forgotten.

“Go and sit with the kids? I’ve left them in front of the TV all morning.”

“Why don’t you go? I’ll finish up here and follow you through.”

“Not on your life.” Serena turns in the embrace, loops her arms around Bernie’s shoulder, pushes onto her toes to press a lingering kiss to her mouth, “I’m almost done, I’ll be through in ten minutes. Now go and be with your children.”

* * *

 

When she’s done she finds the four of them on the floor in a pile of throw pillows and blankets and rather than chastise, she grabs for her camera. Bernie has Ellie curled on her chest, Charlotte is on her side, her head pressed into Bernie’s stomach and Cam is sitting, yoga style, beside them, reading aloud to them all, looking to Bernie when he occasionally stumbles over words. Serena snaps a few pictures before she hears the door open behind her and turns to greet her mother, ushering her through to the kitchen rather than into the living room.

“Sorry, I’m just trying to give them all the space to get comfortable together again,” she says by way of a greeting, turns to flick the kettle on before she accepts Adrienne’s kiss on the cheek,

“That’s quite alright darling,” Adrienne drawls, makes herself comfortable at the kitchen table, “How is Berenice?”

“She’s ok,” Serena nods, pulling the fixings for a cup of tea as she talks. One look at her mother makes it clear that she wants more and Serena realises that she hasn’t actually seen Bernie since the day Serena brought her back from the hospital. “We took the kids out yesterday, to the park then for lunch and she was tired of course, but she’s on the mend, it’s just a case of building her stamina back up now.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Adrienne offers one of her rare smiles, sips her tea, “And your new job starts tomorrow yes?”

* * *

 

It’s almost an hour before Cameron wanders through followed closely by her sister, Bernie bringing up the rear with Ellie balanced on her hip.

“Good to see you up on your feet Berenice,” Adrienne offers, holds her arms out for her granddaughter, “You’re looking a lot better.”

“Feeling it too,” Bernie nods, kisses Serena’s cheek as she practically falls into the seat beside her, her knee almost immediately filled with Charlotte, leans up and takes her face between both of her hands.

“Mumma, I hungry!” she scowls and Serena has to hide her grin behind her hand

“I told you dinner is almost ready didn’t I,!

“But I hungry now!” charlotte’s frown deepens and Serena knows that if she was standing she would be stomping her feet too, she knows she could intervene but if Bernie is home for good now she needs to learn to be the bad guy sooner rather than later.

“Well you’ll just have to be hungry a little longer, go play with Cam, the time will pass faster.” Charlotte glares into Bernie’s eyes for a few seconds longer before sliding down to the floor with a huff and running off to find her brother.

“I wonder where she gets that from,” Bernie laughs, fixes Serena with a raised eyebrow.

“Don’t know what you are talking about.” Serena flutters her eyelashes and grins, “Feel up to mashing those potatoes Major.”

* * *

 

“How are you feeling about tomorrow?” Bernie asks later that night when they are curled up in bed. The house around them is silent, the children gone to stay with their grandmother for the night because of Serena’s early shift, they’ve spent the last twenty minutes just lying together, enjoying the peace.

“Honestly?”

“Unless you think dishonestly will help?”

“I’m terrified Bernie,” Serena twists her head so she can see Bernie properly and frowns, “What if I’m not cut out for emergency medicine anymore? It’s been so long since I’ve been on an emergency ward, what if I’ve forgotten?” not for the first time Serena considers that Bernie might be more suited to running the ED than she will ever be, it’s not what she wanted but she recognises that it’s a step in the right direction, that she’ll be in a better position to head up a vascular department if she already has the experience but she’s never been so terrified since her first F1 rotation what feels like 100 years ago now.

“They gave you the job because they have faith in your ability to do it and I have faith in you too my love, enough for both of us. You’re going to be amazing Serena, I have no doubt.”

“You really think so?” Serena hates that her voice sounds so small but there in Bernie’s arms is the only place she feels safe to be vulnerable,

“I do, I’ve known since the moment I met you how special, how gifted you are. You’ve got this and I’m home now, you don’t have to do this all alone.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I' sorry this has taken so long! Most of it has been written for over a week but I was battling with he ending, wanting to take it further but bottling it at the last minute! Maybe next time I'll be brave enough.
> 
> Come find me on tumblr, libstarsr, to flail about Berena and maybe tell me what else you want from this universe.

By the end of her first week Serena is more sure Han ever that she isn't cut out for the ED at all. She crawls into bed beside Bernie in the early hours of Saturday morning, two days off stretched out in front of her, and can think of nothing but her desire to sleep for the entire forty eight hours. Bernie barely stirs as she settles herself beside her and she tries not to be bothered by it, it's been the same all week and she knows that it's Bernie's body repairing itself, that her wife is on the mend but not quite there yet.

It takes her a while to relax enough to sleep, her head buzzing with all of the things she needs to do over the weekend, everything that will be waiting for her when she goes into work on Monday. She needs to make the week up to the kids, shuttled back and forth to her mothers, asleep before she makes it home each night to kiss them goodnight. Truthfully she's missed her family and in this moment, exhausted from a night shift and weary from a non stop week, she struggles to see how this job is going to work if she wants to spend the time with her family she desires, needs.

Bernie shuffles beside her, curls her arm over her stomach, presses a kiss to her shoulder, her eyes remaining closed.

“Welcome home beautiful,” she murmurs and Serena twists to press a kiss to her forehead, “go to sleep,” she wishes she could drift off as quickly as Bernie does then but the feel of the other woman's arm holding her close, the whisper of her breath against her shoulder soothes her and soon she joins her wife in dreams.

* * *

  
When she wakes up, eyes gritty, limbs aching, she isn't surprised that Bernie is gone from the beside her. It's not doubt late but her body tells her it doesn't think it's late enough and the desire to just go back to sleep is difficult to resist. It's the smell of coffee that propels her to move and she rolls over to find a tray on her bedside table holding a still steaming coffee, a banana, a small glass filled with daisies from the garden and a note in Bernie's messy scrawl. She tries not to groan when she leavers herself up and reaches for the coffee first, the note second, rubs her eyes to clear them so she can read it properly. What looked like Bernie's writing when her eyes were half closed turns out to be Cam’s with added flashes of colour and half formed letters no doubt from Charlotte. It's an invitation to their Saturday film club, dress code pyjamas. It's with a smile that she pushes herself out of bed and towards the shower knowing that ten minutes under the hot water will take away the last of the tiredness for now so she can join her family.

When she makes it downstairs the living room is unrecognisable, Bernie has built one of her infamous blanket caves, though luckily she hasn't been stupid enough to move the TV onto the floor like she usually would. It's all quiet except for the noise of the film, Wall-e if she's not mistaken, so she drops to her knees at the mouth of the ‘cave’ and waits until she is noticed.

“Oh hello,” Bernie says when she sees her, “I'm afraid it's invitation only today and we have a very strict dress code,” there's a twinkle in the blondes eye hat has slowly been returning since her accident, Serena never thought she'd be pleased by the return of Bernie's mischievous side, but it's one more indication that Bernie is getting better so she will live with it.

“Well it's a good job I have this then,” she smiles, pulling the invitation out of the pocket of the hoody she is wearing, one of Bernie's old army ones that she wears when she needs to feel safe and warm and comfortable.

“What do you think kids,man mummy come in?” The positive chorus from the older two is all the invitation she needs to join her family and she curls beside her wife after kissing all of her children good morning.

“Ok?” Bernie asks against her head once she's settled against the blonde and she squeezes her middles, snuffles her nose against her chest, “want some breakfast?”

“Not just now,” she knows she should probably eat but she's comfortable and warm for the moment and doesn't want Bernie to move. She tries hard to keep her eyes open, to watch the film, to stay awake, reaches over to tickle Ellie, jostle her hands and feet as a distraction but it isn't long until she drifts off, ‘out there’ bouncing round in her head.

* * *

  
She wakes again with a jolt, the beginnings of a nightmare fluttering away away as she takes a deep, steadying breath. She's no longer curled into the long solid presence of Bernie but there is a warm body pressed against her stomach and she opens her eyes to find Charlotte grinning up at her.

“Hey,” she croaks, clears her throat, tries again, “hey Charlie girl.”

“Hi mummy,” Charlotte rolls, wriggles until she is in Serena's outstretched arms, giggles when a kiss is pressed to her nose.

“Where's your mumma little one?” She asks, pushing herself up a little, finds Ellie is under her baby gym but Bernie and Cam are nowhere to be seen.

“Food, Cam helping.” Charlotte shrugs and Serena ruffles her hair, holds her between her knees and grins at her. She realises that Bernie has planned this, planned a whole family day that will keep the kids occupied and still give Serena the opportunity for more sleep if she needs it and her heart swells even as she wonders how she would have managed this if Bernie was still hundreds of miles away in some foreign desert.

“Why don't we go see if they need any help?” She suggested, needing to get up and stretch, “come on, we'll all go.” She encourages Charlotte out of the space, scoops Ellie up and follows, the baby wails at being taken away from her toys. Serena bounces her lightly on her hip, offers her finger to be played with, chuckles when Ellie immediately puts it in her mouth to chew. In the kitchen Bernie is making sandwiches, Cam stood on his step beside her doing more watching than helping. Bernie looks over when they cross the threshold, grins at her, Serena's stomach flips and she wonders if there will ever be a day when Bernie doesn't make her feel like she is falling in love all over again with every action, hopes that it is one thing that never changes between them.

* * *

 

Once lunch is eaten and the plates are stacked in the dishwasher, Ellie's nappy is changed and Bernie has persuaded Charlotte to use the potty they reconvene in their cave and Bernie decrees that the afternoons film is Serena's choice. She really wants to watch Hello Dolly, Wall-e always has that effect on her but she knows it probably won't even hold Bernie's attention for the afternoon never mind the kids, opts for Calamity Jane instead. By the time it's finished Charlotte wants to be Calamity Jane and Cam wants to learn to ride a horse (it's the reason he ends up with a broken arm in a few weeks from falling off the back of the sofa which he was pretending was a horse). Serena puts Bernie in charge of bath time while Serena works on dinner with Ellie in her high chair with a risk to gum at. She knows she dosed a little through the afternoon film but didn't fall into a heavy sleep like she had that morning, she feels better, more rested than she has all week, but knows she will sleep that night, hopes that Bernie will get up with the kids, do the night feeds so she can properly catch up with her sleep.

She's known since Thursday that she wants her time in the ED to be short. She knows the experience will be invaluable, that working in emergency medicine will hone her skills, make her faster, work quicker, but she hates it. The department is under budgeted, under staffed and over stretched, she has so little time to do paperwork that she can barely see her desk under stacks of files and she feels like she's had to call time of death on more patients in the last week than she has in her whole life. She knows she hasn't, but it's felt like it after two major RTC’s and a house fire. She misses surgery too and seeing patient care through to the very end, worries that while she is gaining skills in emergency medicine her skills in vascular surgery are being lost. She has her eye on AAU, is biding her time, proving her worth in the ED, proving that a woman, a mother, is up to the job of running a department and running it well but God she hopes she doesn't have to do it for long.

* * *

 

She's pleased that when dinner is over all three of the children are ready for bed and once they are all settled she and Bernie curl up in the blanket cave together. It's Bernie's hands that begin to wander first and Serena tries to contain the effect it has on her, bites at her lip, clenches her fingers against Bernie's side.

“Behave yourself Major,” she groans when Bernie's hand slides down the back of her pyjama bottoms and squeezes her backside with the barest hint of nails. She can feel Bernie's smirk against the skin of her neck, seconds before she leaves her tongue over it and Serena can't contain her moan, pulls herself away from her wife's wandering hands, misses them immediately. “Bernie,” she warns, even as the other woman moves closer again.

“Please,” Bernie's says quietly, her hands sliding back over Serena's hips, “I want to feel you.”

“You're still not…” Her voice is stolen by Bernie's lips on hers, her tongue sliding briefly into her mouth, her teeth catching her bottom lip.

“I'm ok, I'm not going to break. Please.”

“You'll tell me if something doesn't feels right, if I hurt you.”

“I swear.”

Serena looks at her, really looks at her, takes in every part of her face, the barely there dark circles that three weeks ago looked like black eyes, the cheeks that now hold their colour under the army surplus tan, the eyes so bright and full of love but equal levels of want. She should have seen it coming really, when she walked into the living room and found at Bernie had built the cave. As much as it had always been about giving the kids something fun, something magical to play in Serena can't remember a time when one of Bernie's blanket caves hasn't seen some adult only action once the kids are in bed.

She remembers the last time, pregnant with Ellie and horny as all hell and she feels the flush spread across her chest and neck.

“What are you thinking about?” Bernie husks, her hand on Serena's cheek, sliding into her hair to massage her scalp and Serena shivers.

“Just the last time,” she says shyly, watches Bernie's eyes darken, feels the twitch in the hand at the back of her head, wonders if leaving Bernie so obviously keyed up might do more damage than good. “You were so good to me, so gentle and tender then so rough.” Bernie's eyes slip closed and she groans as Serena runs her fingers across her cheek, down her neck, over her shoulders, skim across her chest, “I bit down on your shoulder so hard I almost drew blood, only to stop myself waking the kids.” The growl should be enough warning of what is going to happen next but she still finds herself surprised when Bernie flips her fully onto her back, straddles her waist. Bernie's eyes are dark and wild and then her wife is claiming her mouth and nothing matters except for all the places they make contact.

Serena chuckles deep and dirty when Bernie's mouth leaves hers to slim down her neck, her teeth sinking harshly into the skin of her shoulder. It stings, balanced on the knife edge between pain and pleasure and Serena groans, rakes her nails down Bernie's thigh.

“Are you going to be rough with soldier?” She husks and Bernie growls against her collarbone, nips at the skin with the sharp of her teeth, her hands bunching in the sides of Serena's hoody. Her body feels alive in a way it doesn't when Bernie is away and she knows that she was always powerless to resist Bernie, that that was one thing that would never change. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been so long since I last updated this fic and also that this bit is a little shorter than usually but I felt like I needed something to bridge the gap between the last chapter and the next (which is almost written FYI).   
> I had a tiny crisis of confidence and spent some time reading through your comments and it was the boost I needed. My next aim is to reply more (actually reply) as much as possible because it really is you guys that keep me going.  
> I'm struggling with the next part of Sabattical but hopefully I'll get something out at the weekend and then the next part of this is ready to be typed.   
> If anyone has anything they want to see? Any parts of this verse you want to explore pleaseeeeee let me know, I can always handle that little bit more inspiration! You can find me on tumblr too @libstarsr, I promise there's Berena in amongst all of the random or ping me a message on here.

She gets far less sleep that night than she intends but she is in no way complaining. It is after midnight when they crawl out of the blanket cave and tumble into bed, feeding Ellie on the way. They lie quietly for a while, skin on skin, but it's not long before Bernie's hands begin to wander again. It's a thing that Serena misses when Bernie is away, her wife's singular devotion to her body, her inability to keep her hands to herself given half the chance. She turns from where she has been lying, Bernie's little spoon, turns to face the blonde, brings their bodies flush together,

“Ready again so soon soldier?” She husks, trails her finger over the scar bisecting the other woman's chest, still red and puffy, sensitive, a constant reminder of how much she nearly lost, how much she has gained. Rolling them over, she takes he upper hand, pins Bernie to the bed with her hips, keeping as much of their bodies pressed together as possible, loves her tongue over Bernie's jumping pulse, snaps at it with her teeth. She's forgotten how tired she is, doesn't care that one or both of them will need to be up with the children in the morning, only cares for her wife, finally home, finally getting better, and reaffirming exactly how good they can be together in every way.

* * *

 

She's not surprised when she is the first to wake though she is surprised that she hasn't been woken by Ellie crying or one of the other two up and about. She takes her time, stretching out long disused muscles, turns to look at Bernie still sleeping beside her, face peaceful, hair wonderfully tousled. She runs her fingers through her hair, presses a kiss to her bare shoulder, pushes herself up and heads for the bathroom. She showers quickly, knowing that it's only a matter of time before one of the kids wake up and wanting to get to them before they barrel into the bedroom and catch Bernie sleepy, naked and unawares. She clears the steam from the mirror when she's done, wants to see herself, wants to take in the tiny bruises and tooth marks peppering her chest, her stomach, one particularly good one on her shoulder, smirking at the memory of getting them, at the momentary heat it causes to curl through her body. She's always loved the way Bernie marks her, knows that Bernie has always loved to do it, loves the reminder she gets to carry around with her days after the fact.

She only just catches Charlotte, is closing the bedroom door behind herself as she comes wandering down the hall, sweeps her up in her arms and kisses her on the cheek.

“Morning Charlie girl,” she says, frowns a little when Charlotte struggles to get down.

“Mumma”

“Mumma is still asleep sweetheart,” she tries gently but it only seems to make Charlotte worse.

“Want mumma,” Charlotte starts to cry, only then allows Serena to pull her close and bounce her slightly, “mumma,” she whimpers and Serena is torn, she can hear Ellie snuffling in the nursery too, doesn't want to wake Cam up before he's ready and is just about to head in the direction of the baby when the door behind her opens and Bernie's strong arms are around her waist, stroking over Charlotte’s back. The blonde mounds herself to Serena's back, rests her chin on Serena's shoulder.

“Hey Lottie,” she says, her voice husky like she's coming down with a cold, “what's all this racket about?”

“Mumma,” Charlotte weeps and Serena turns as best she can so Charlotte is pressed between them. The minute Bernie is close she flings her arms around her neck, burrows into her mumma. Serena can't help notice the wince when Bernie takes the girls full weight but when her raised eyebrow is met with a minute shake of the head she chooses to leave it for now and turns her attention to getting to Ellie before her snuffles turn into cries.

* * *

 

When their eldest eventually wanders into the kitchen rubbing his eyes not much has changed. Serena has managed to get Ellie into her bouncer now that she's been fed but Bernie still has a lap full of Charlotte who, although she has stopped crying, has her face buried in Bernie's shoulder and is refusing to come out.

“Morning darling,” Bernie says flattening his hair lovingly when he gives her a kiss and Serena watches him rub his sisters back, getting Charlotte to peak out at him, eyes wide and red.

“I think Lottie had a bad dream,” he says sadly and Charlotte’s face returns to where it was, hidden in Bernie's shoulder,

“I think so too,” Bernie agrees, strokes her fingers through Charlotte's hair, “can you remember what I used to tell you when you would have a bad dream.” Serena starts mixing up pancakes while she listens to them talk, knows it is a treat they have been having a little too often recently but firmly believes it is something they all deserve.

“You have bad dreams too sometimes,” Cam starts and Bernie nods her encouragement, “ but it's ok, because the monsters can't hurt us, because mummy loves us so so much and that scares the monsters away.”

“Really?” Charlotte asks sound the thumb in her mouth, her eyes finding Serena across the kitchen,

“Really,” Bernie murmurs against the top of her head, “mummy is strong and powerful and she loves us all so much. The monsters can see her love around us and that scares them away because they know how strong she is,”

“Mumma is strong too though?” Cam asks, looks to Serena for confirmation, “she loves us all lots too?”

“Yes she does,” Serena nods, “and she's very strong, that's why she had to go away sometimes, to look after children who didn't have strong mummy's and mumma's to look after them.”

“But not anymore, she's staying now isn't she?” Cam looks between them and she grins at him, catches Bernie's eye and winks,

“Yes she is, she's home now,” she says and the smile is infectious, even Ellie gurgles happily, “now who wants pancakes for breakfast?”

* * *

 

It's a nice day outside so they go for a walk before lunch. Bernie pushes Ellie in her pram, is hampered by Charlotte who has refused to leave her side all morning, insists on clinging to Bernie's leg as they walk.

“Here, I'll take that,” Serena says gently the second time Charlotte and Bernie trip over each other, “talk to her about her dream,” she prompts, pressing a kiss to her wife's cheek as she takes control of the pram, pushes a little further forward to catch up with Cam who has gone ahead on his scooter.

“Mummy?” He asks, jumping of the scooter and pushing alongside Ellie's pushchair

“Yes darling?”

“Mumma's home, that means no more going away?”

“That's right, unless we are all going away together she'll be staying here,”

“So she's safe now?” Serena turns to her son and his forehead is crinkled, he's looking at her like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders,

“What do you mean sweetheart?”

“Tyler's dad goes away like mumma and Tyler said he fights the bad guys, that there are guns and bombs, that doesn't sound very safe.”

“Oh Cam,” she murmurs, wonders how long he's held onto this knowledge, this worry and hasn't shared it, “ your mumma didn't fight, she's a doctor just like me, she was helping people.”

“But she still got hurt, that means she wasn't safe and she could have got hurt worse and maybe we wouldn't see her again. I'm glad she's staying now.”

“Me too,” Serena coughs around the lump in her throat, strokes her hand over the back of his head, “and I know your mumma is too, she loves you and your sisters very much.”

“But she loves you most of all mummy,” cam grins, steps back onto his scooter and moves ahead again. Serena rubs a hand over her face and takes a deep breath, she always thought she was protecting the kids by being vague about what Bernie was actually doing when she was away but she'd obviously stopped fooling Cam as he started to get older. Looking back to her wife, Charlie balanced on her hip, theirs heads pressed together, giggling quietly over some shared joke, back to Ellie blinking up at her in her pram and then on to Cam, stopped at the lamppost at the end of the street grinning back at them, she hopes she hasn't done more harm than good, sheltering the kids from the truth, knows that things can only get better now that Bernie is back and staying for good. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to have had a particularly bad falling out with Sabattical (I've tried angst and I've tried fluff and I just can't get anything to work) so here is another update for this. It turned out far longer than I expected so I've cut it, the next part I can either post, or not, so let , me know if you want to read about their date!
> 
> As usual comments keep me going, and I thorough enjoyed replying to you all with the last update. I honestly regret not doing it before.

It's almost the weekend again when Serena is called to a consult on Kellar, not that unusual in the grand scheme of things and a welcome break from stitching foreheads, casting broken arms and adding to the ever growing pile of paperwork that there never seems to be time to deal with. She's a little confused when she gets a brief patient history from the nurse in charge, can't understand why she specifically needed to come and consult when it wasn't a case that would need vascular surgery.  
  
"Ms Wolfe, what brings you up here?" the junior doctor asks as he enters, she thinks he's Dom, has seen him around Pulses and the few times she has crossed the road to Albie's for a drink after a long shift, he's followed by a brunette she's never seen before who doesn't look up from dissecting the scans in her hands, she's wearing anaesthetist navy,  
  
"I paged her," she offers, though she doesn't look up yet, "heard she was in the hospital and if you have Major Wolfe at your disposal, you don't page anyone else, isn't that right Ber...oh?" she only stops when she finally looks up and finds Serena in front of her,  
  
"Serena Wolfe," she offers, holding out her hand, "Though only Doctor, not Major I'm afraid."  
  
"Alex Dawson, I'm sorry I..." any more formal introductions are interrupted when all of the monitors around the patient begin to make noise at once and they all set to work, save the man once, then again.

* * *

  
  
"Sorry for the mix up," Alex says when that are scrubbed out, "But thank you for the help in there. I just saw Wolfe on the list and assumed, I knew Bern had stayed in Holby after she left the army, figured she wouldn't be able to sit still for long."   
  
"You're ex-army then? Serena asks, tries to ignore the unease at the way this woman's face lights up just talking about Bernie and the way the shortening of her name rubs her up the wrong way. She's never heard anyone call Bernie 'Bern' and she hates it, thinks she would from anyone and not just this woman who seems to have some claim on her wife she is unaware of.  
  
"RAMC," Alex nods, "Blown up in the same IED as the Major,"  
  
"Looks like you got out of it unscathed though," Serena says, wishes for a brief moment that Bernie and this stranger could have swapped places,  
  
"Just a few scratches," Alex shrugs as they walk through the hospital, "Good thing too, someone had to drag Bern out of there."  
  
"Well in that case I suppose I should thank you for saving my wife," Serena says, tries to ignore the way the younger woman's face falls, the way she practically trips over herself, "My children and I are very grateful."   
  
"Oh, so you're THE Mrs Wolfe," Alex says, she's got a rubbish poker face Serena thinks, worse than hers which says something, tries to ignore the way her stomach knots at the look on Alex's face, "Nice to finally meet you. How is...how's she doing?"  
  
"She's getting there," Serena says with a small smile, "It's her first day looking after our girls on her own while I'm at work, they are both under three so I think that tells you how far they have come."  
  
"Good, I'm glad, when they said she wouldn't be coming back I didn't know what to think."  
  
"She wont see active service again but she'll be able to work again, if she wants to. Frankly, I'm just grateful to have her back."

* * *

  
  
The rest of the shift goes with no more surprises and Serena tries to push Alex Dawson to the back of her mind then out altogether. She never succeeds. She can't get rid of the look on Alex's face every time she talked about Bernie, when she realised that Serena was her wife. She recognises the look from her own face, it's the one she has worn since the minute she and Bernie met, the one she knows she wears still.  
  
She's not blind, she knows that Bernie is attractive, knows that other people, men and women alike, can and will look at her and see it, find her attractive, maybe lust after her a little but Alex Dawson felt like more than that, more than hero worship and as much as she tells herself the Bernie wouldn't do that to her she can't stop herself from thinking about it, wondering what if.  
  
By the end of the shift she's tied herself in knots, worked herself up so much that when she leaves the hospital via Pulses for a tea for the drive home and finds Bernie and the girls waiting for her she can't muster the enthusiasm she knows she should feel. She barely looks at Bernie, focuses instead on lifting Ellie out of her pram and onto her hip, brushing their noses together and stroking a hand over Charlotte's head, bending down to press a kiss to her crown. Bernie has already bought her tea so she sits down, keeps her focus on her daughters, acts like Bernie isn't there. She knows it's childish, knows that ignoring Bernie wont make the issue go away, wont answer the questions that have been spinning round in her head for most of the afternoon. But she can't work out whether looking at her wife will make her yell or cry, can't find the words to start the conversation they are going to have to have at some point, wants to shout and rant and make Bernie feel as awful as she is feeling, wants to bring the blonde down to her level.

* * *

  
  
Of course in reality it happens nothing like that. Serena manages to ignore Bernie for most of the evening. They pick Cam up from school and treat the kids to tea out and she manages to get away with as little communication as possible. She tries to avoid looking at Bernie, can't bear the look on her wife's face, part sad, part confused but it's difficult to avoid completely and it pulls at her heart that she's hurting her, reminds her of how immature she's being. It surprises her a little, how much Bernie is willing to take especially as she has no idea what she has done and it's not until all of the kids are in bed asleep that Bernie tries to get to the bottom of the problem and even then she's gentle about it.   
  
"Serena," she tries gently, retreats slightly when the hand she puts on the brunette's shoulder is shrugged away, moves so she's stood in front of the fire while Serena takes the sofa, the coffee table between them like a buffer, "Darling please, what's going on?" Serena can only look at her hands, doesn't know how to start, where to start, earlier she wanted to scream and shout but she's lost the energy for that and now all she wants is Bernie to tell her it's all ok.  
  
"Serena please," Bernie tries again and Serena can hear that she's worried, that she's upset, makes the mistake of looking up and meeting Bernie's eyes. She looks wounded, a little lost, but the love is still shining through and it breaks Serena's heart, makes her feel stupid to even consider that this woman who loves her so much could ever cheat on her.  
  
"I met Alex Dawson today," she murmurs, her eyes never leaving Bernie who sighs, rubs her hand over her eyes and moves to perch on the edge of the coffee table, draws Serena's hands into her own and cradles them in her lap,  
  
"And that's what all of this is about?" Bernie probes and Serena hates that she feels the sting of tears in her eyes,  
  
"She seems..." she coughs, clears her throat, closes her eyes against the tears, "she seems very taken with you." the honk of laughter surprises her and she blinks at Bernie who slides closer, squeezes her hands, brings them up to her mouth and kisses them reverently.  
  
"I was sure that after all this time that torch would have brunt itself out," Bernie grins at her and she can't help a tentative smiles back, "What did she say?"  
  
"Not so much what she said, more how she was," Serena sighs, "Paged me thinking I was you, didn't manage to hide her disappointment when she realised I am your wife and the look on her face when she spoke about you. Bernie, I recognise it because I see it in the mirror every day."  
"What can I say," Bernie shrugs, reaches out to cup Serena's face, strokes her thumb over her cheek, Your wife is irresistible! But I'm yours Serena, just yours. Alex Dawson never even hit my radar because I knew I was coming home to you and our family, she didn't stand a chance against that."  
  
"I'm sorry," Serena sighs, presses her face into the hand at her cheek, feels ridiculous all over again, "Once it got into my head it just kept spiralling."  
  
"I understand darling and while I wont pretend that it doesn't hurt a little that it crossed your mind I do get it, I know how Alex can be, I know she would never put two and two together and work out you were my wife but honestly Serena I would never, could never do that, not to you, you're stuck with me I'm afraid."  
  
"No where else I'd rather be," Serena smiles, tugs Bernie so she's sitting in her lap and buries her face in her neck, breathes her in, finds the small scar with her lips and presses kisses along its length, "I love you Bernie Wolfe."  
  
"I love you too Serena," Bernie presses a kiss to her head, presses her cheek against it, "She didn't call me Bern did she?" Serena chuckles, rubs her face against Bernie's shoulder, pleased for the closeness after an evening of avoidance,  
  
"Please tell me you don't prefer it to Bernie?" she groans and Bernie chuckles above her.  
  
"Not even a little." she confirms, "In fact, if I ever heard it again it would be too soon!"

* * *

 

  
They fall into bed naked that night and Bernie takes her time worshipping Serena from the crown of her head right down to her toes. Serena falls asleep curled against her wife, content, safe and oh so loved. Every time she crosses paths with Alex Dawson the next day the soreness of her muscles, the sting of tiny bite marks, reminds her that Bernie is hers, that Alex never stood a chance and she's able to smirk and carry on with her day.

* * *

 

  
Bernie meets her again at the end of the day but this time she is alone, leant up against Serena's car, her long legs encased in sinfully tight black denim and low heeled boots, the open collar of a black shirt peeking out from underneath her leather jacket, she is a vision.

“Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes,” she grins as she gets closer, “what have you done with the kids?”   
“Staying at your mothers for the night,” Bernie says, pulls her in for a kiss the minute they are close enough, “I'm taking you on that date I promised.”

“I have nothing to wear,” she pouts, Bernie's hands pressed into the small of her back, bodies as close as they can decently get in public. Having Bernie home has made her feel like she's hit a second puberty and she can't get enough.

“That's what these are for,” Bernie steps aside, reveals a neat row of shopping bags and Serena thrills at the designers she can see written on them, “we have an hour, you can either change here or I'll drive you home and you can change there,”

“I'll just run back into the locker room,” Serena shrugs, presses up onto her toes and kisses her, lingering, hums when Bernie's hand slips over her waist, teases at the hem of her shirt, her cool fingers sliding against her warm skin briefly, “coming?”

“I'll wait here,” she smirks, squeezes the skin under her hand, “savour the big reveal.”

* * *

 

  
Serena has never felt so sexy in her life, not even on her wedding night. Bernie has chosen perfectly, a deep wine red dress that fits her like a second skin, underwear that matches perfectly, fits perfectly and a new pair of shoes. There are stockings too, and a garter belt, but she takes one look at them and pushes them back into the bag, knows that Bernie would make removing them later a show but also knows that she will appreciate the bare legs. She takes a minute to touch up her makeup, reapply a coat of lipstick dark enough to match the dress and fluffs up her hair before she steps out into the corridors.

She knows she draws attention as she walks back through the hospital but all she cares about is the look on her wife's face and damn is it worth it. Bernie is talking to someone as she approaches but she doesn't care who, only has eyes for the blonde when her eyes catch her approach and her whole face goes a little slack, her mouth drops open, her eyes go a little wide. Serena chuckles and it sounds filthy but it's nice to know she hasn't lost her touch, that she can still make Bernie stop in her tracks.

“Sorry,” she lips reads as Bernie steps around her conversation partner and moves towards her with a predatory grin.

“Major Wolfe,” she husks as they meet and Bernie's hands slide over her waist

“Dr Wolfe,” Bernie all but growls, brushes a kiss to the corner of her mouth, “maybe we should skip dinner and go straight home.”

“Oh no,” Serena chuckles, “I expect to be wined and dined in a dress like this, and just think, the anticipation will be delicious.”

“Well then, let's not waste any time shall we.” Serena smirks, kisses Bernie square on the mouth, saunters to the car, only then realises that it's Alex Dawson who has been watching them, Alex Dawson who now resembles a kicked puppy. She'd feel guilty if it wasn't so satisfying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it wasn't glaringly obvious I have only just watched the episodes where Alex appeared at Holby having fallen into the fandom much later but I felt it was too big a part of Bernie's story to ignore altogether. I'm not sure if Alex is done with them yet either...


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the date you all asked for! I had a large chunk of it written which I totally ignored and wrote this instead! It isn't exactly what I planned in my head but I'm quite happy with how it came out and it's served as a really good distraction from getting my foot tattoo added to!  
> Once again thank you for all of your lovely words and positivity, I know I say it all the time, but it really is what keeps me writing.

Bernie takes her to their favourite Italian restaurant, insists that she will drive so that Serena can take advantage of the extensive wine list. They squeeze into one side of a booth, hidden away at the back, barely any space between them, their shoulders pressed together, their bodies pressed together from hip to ankle. When they’ve ordered their wine and a starter platter to share, Bernie wrestles a battered zippo out of the pocket of her jeans and sparks it against the candle in the middle of the table, bathes them in a gentle orange glow.

“I thought you'd quit,” Serena says pointedly, eyebrow raised as she takes the lighter from Bernie's fingers, rolls the well worn metal around in her hand, finds the familiar inscription with her thumb,

“I did, I have,” Bernie agrees, tucks her arm around Serena's shoulder, kisses her temple, “But this, this stays with me wherever I go,”

“It’s still true,” Serena hums, looks up to smile at her wife, her thumb still stroking the words, “I do still have your back,”

“And I still have yours,” Bernie offers, presses their foreheads together. They don't pull apart until the waiter returns with the glass of wine for Serena and Bernie’s sparkling water. Serena stays settled against her, eyes slipping shut at the wine rolls over her tongue, it’s exquisite as always and she feels guilty that Bernie is going without so she can indulge.

“We could leave the car here you know, if you wanted a drink,” she offers but Bernie shrugs, brushes her tongue over her cheek,

“You’ll need the car to get to work in the morning,” she reminds and Serena huffs slightly, drawing a laugh from her wife, “believe me, if I could keep you home I would, but God knows the ward might fall down around their ears if you take so much as a minute away!”

“Hardly,” Serena scoffs, “I doubt they’d even notice that I wasn't there until none of their paperwork got finished on time.”

“You still hate it?” Bernie prods and Serena sighs, rubs her hand lightly over her face, “We haven't really had the chance to talk properly about it.”

“I’m just not sure I'm cut out for the ED,” Serena starts, looks to Bernie who gives her an encouraging nod, “I feel like I'm killing more patients than I'm saving and god I miss surgery, I don't think I'd realised how much until the other day but then I felt a little out of my depth in there too, I don't know whether it was because I was unsure about Alex Dawson or if I'm genuinely losing my touch.”

“I don't think you’re losing your touch,” Bernie says lightly as their starter is put down between them. “Unfortunately, the nature of emergency medicine means that you’re either treating scrapes and broken bones all day or you’re up to your elbows in RTC casualties and the likelihood of loosing someone before you get them where they need to be is either zero or ten, there is no in between. You’ve had no complaints have you?”

“None that I've heard about and the team are great, I think it's just me, I don't feel like I fit.”

“You need to give yourself time to settle in, it’s been what, two weeks? And having me at home, incapable can’t have helped matters. I don't for one minute think you’ll grow to love it so much you never want to leave but if you give yourself the chance I think you could at least grow to like it.”

  
“I do know that, honestly,” Serena offers a brief smile, pops an olive into her mouth, “And having you home is wonderful, even if I have been worried about how you’re getting on on your own. Honestly, I don't think I'd have made it this far if you weren't here, I think that RTC last week would have finished me off.” It had been horrendous, a family hatchback had ended up sandwiched between two articulated lorries, both parents had died at the scene, they’d lost the eldest child within ten minutes of him being brought in and the little girl was still in critical care being watched over by her grandparents, it was likely she would be paralysed when she woke up, if she woke up, the drivers had walked away with nothing worse than a few broken bones and bruises. Serena had been a wreck by the time she got home, had sobbed the minute Bernie wrapped her arms around her and hadn't stopped for most of the night, getting worse when Charlotte wandered in in the middle of the night saying she'd had a bad dream. She'd held their daughter so tight she'd complained she was hurting her, had continued to cry even as she fell asleep between them, perfectly fine and perfectly safe. It had been Bernie who pulled her away from the bottle of wine and towards the shower, who had made her a cup of hot, sweet tea and forced her to drink it even through her sobs. She couldn't know what she would have done if she’d gone home to an empty house, the kids staying with her mother because she was on a late, but she knew it probably would have involved drinking far too much wine and passing out on the sofa.

“You’re tougher than you think darling, but I do understand, and if you wanted to leave tomorrow I wouldn't stop you, I’ll always support you, but I will tell you this; Alex was impressed and she’s impressed by very little.”

“She also has a thing for you so would probably go to some lengths to impress you,” Serena shrugs, “What did she want today anyway? I hadn't seen her around the last few days, I figured she’d moved on.”

“She saw me waiting for you and came over for a chat,” Bernie spears the last olive and offers it to her wife who accepts it with a grin, “We hadn’t got far past her asking how I was and saying the two of you had met and that she’d been impressed.”

“You didn't have to end the conversation on my account,”

“Have you seen yourself tonight?” Bernie smirks, squeezes Serena's thigh to punctuate her point, “I wouldn't have been able to continue stringing sentences together. I mean, I had an idea in my head about how you would look but the reality, Jesus.” She fans herself with the menu, turns her ‘heart eyes’ on Serena who bats her eyelashes,

“Well what can I say, my wife has some good taste,”

“She’s also a very lucky woman,” Bernie murmurs, nuzzling into Serena's hair and pressing a kiss to her ear, “And a little selfish,”

“Oh and how's that?” Serena asks, slides her hand up Bernie's thigh until it's almost indecent and smirks, shivers, at the groan that vibrates against her ear,

“Well, all I really did was wrap you up so I could enjoy unwrapping you when we get home,” she husks, “and I’m going to really enjoy unwrapping you when we get home.”

* * *

  
They practically fall through the front door and Serena is on Bernie before it is even closed fully behind them, Bernie wrestles for the upper hand, manages to get Serena pinned against the wood as they kiss. Dessert had been a game of seduction for both of them and they’d left the restaurant keyed up. Bernie had pushed Serena up against the side of the car the minute they’d reached it and they’d necked like teenagers for long minutes until the sweep of headlights coming into the car park had pulled them apart. Bernie had been forced to take the drive home slowly, Serena twisted sideways in her seat, cataloging all of the things she was going to do to her the very minute they were behind closed doors, her hands running over her own body, rucking her skirt further and further up her bare thighs, Bernie knew she was a little drunk but she also knew Serena and she knew that if all she had been drinking all night was water she’s still be behaving like this and it was one of the things she loved about her. Bernie had always encouraged her sexuality, her sensuality and Serena had never felt ashamed of showing her exactly how much she loved sex, it was something that had kept both of them going when Bernie was stuck in the middle of the desert, filthy emails sent from a secondary email account, pictures of the top of lace stockings, the naked curve of a hip, small details that left so much to the imagination and words that told Bernie exactly what her wife was getting up to while thinking only of her. Bernie had never been free with her words, it had taken Serena years to get her comfortable enough to talk dirty in bed but that freedom had never transferred over to returning the emails that she was sent, only the words whispered quietly over a crackling connection on the odd occasion Bernie was given enough privacy not to be mortified, but with Serena there in the flesh she was very, very good and showing her exactly what she wanted, where she wanted her. That is possibly the reason why the cleared throat from the kitchen doorway didn’t pull them apart, didn't even filter through the haze, as their mouths moved continuously over each other, Serena made quick work of the buttons on Bernie’s shirt, didn't bother to untuck it just slid her hands over what she could get, and Bernie rucked up Serena's dress, hooked her leg over her hip so she could explore the length of it with her hand.

The hall light turning on is like a bucket of ice water for both of them and they Spring apart, Serena forcing her skirt back down over her thighs with one hand, the other combing through her hair, Bernie doesn't dare turn round, can only look at her wife with wide eyes, both of them know that only two people have keys to their home and Sian is on holiday.

“Sorry to interrupt.” Adrienne says and she sounds as smug as Serena is mortified, she can’t imagine why she would be smug, the thought of her every catching on of her children in the position she and Bernie had just been in makes her want to crawl under a rock and die,

“Mother what on earth?!” Serena pushes herself away from the door, tries to pull some composure from somewhere and rounds Bernie so she's face to face with her mother who is still stood in the kitchen doorway, her hand hovering over the light switch, “I thought the children were staying with you, at your house, tonight,” she throws a pointed look at Bernie who can only shrug, her eyes still wide, her cheeks pink, her shirt held together by slightly shaking hands.

“They were, but Charlotte got sick, wanted you both, so I brought them home.”

“She’s sick, why didn't you call one of us?” Bernie asks, moving behind Serena so they are almost touching,

“Oh I did, but I believe this is yours,” she gestures to the phone lying dormant on the side table and Bernie blanches, Serena knows she still isn't used to having to remember to pick her phone up, knows it's always an adjustment when she comes home, and reaches back to squeeze her hand.

“Mines in my bag, it never rang,”

“It’s switched off darling,” Adrienne says and there's a large amount of reproach in her tone. Serena scrambles for her phone in the bag she somehow managed to keep a hold of and pulls out her phone, finds it dead, she’d forgotten to put it on charge earlier, she hadn't even thought.

“Where’s Charlie?” She asks, hates that her mother is very clearly judging them and wants to change the subject quickly, they might be parents but they aren’t dead, nor are they exempt from making mistakes,

“Asleep in your bed, she wouldn't settle anywhere else. She’s stopped being sick but she’s running a temperature, I gave her some Calpol about an hour ago to help bring it down. The other two went straight back to sleep as soon as we got here.” Adrienne realms off and Serena sags against Bernie, she hates when one of their babies is sick,

“You go up ad check on her,” Bernie offers pressing the side of her head and squeezing the hand in hers, “I’ll take your mother home,”

“No need, I've set up the bed in the office.” She waves away the offer as Serena starts to make her way upstairs, “I don't mind if the two of you want to use it so you can carry on whatever that was.”

“Mother!” Serena balks, sticks her head over the bannister and regards her mother, mortified,

“Oh do calm down darling,” Adrienne waves her off, “Now I'm going to bed, call out if you need me.”

Bernie follows Serena up the stairs in silence, stays quiet as they both check on the children and takes turns in the bathroom to get changed. Serena is still mortified, hates that they got caught by her mother of all people, hates that their little girl was ill and neither of them were with her.

“Hey, she’s ok,” Bernie says quietly when she emerges from the bathroom dressed for bed, slips her arms round Serena's waist and kisses the back of her head.

“I’m sorry the night ended like this,” Serena mutters, turns in the embrace to lay her head on Bernie's shoulder, “and I'm sorry about my mother.”

“The kids come first,” Bernie soothes, “You're mother on the other hand…” She trails off and Serena chuckles, presses up on her toes to kiss her slowly,

“We’ll revisit that dress and that underwear,” she murmurs against her mouth, feels the resulting smile on Bernie's face, “It really was exquisite,”

“And you looked exquisite in it.” Bernie agrees, brushes her fingers through her hair, “Now come on, let's get some sleep, something tells me Lottie here is going to interrupt our sleep and I need all the rest I can get to face your mother over breakfast in the morning!”

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never a dull moment in the Wolfe pack is there. This chapter comes with a huge warning for sickness. Like if you have an issue with people being physically ill and the description of such, skip this chapter. All you need to know is that they are off on a little family holiday at the end of this chapter!

Charlotte ends up making them all ill ad for the first time in her professional life Serena is forced to take a sick day, sent home the second time she has to leave a patient to throw up. When she gets home, her whole family are in hers and Bernie's bed, looking extremely sorry for themselves. Bernie looks exhausted, as pale as she did when she came out of hospital, a mixture of being ill and the kids keeping them both up, Lottie is looking the best out of all of them though she's still tired and clingy and Cam is out for the count, his fringe stuck to his forehead, his skin grey. None of them react when she comes through the door, she can tell that Bernie is dozing, Ellie on her chest stripped down to her nappy. She quickly changes into her pajamas and scrubs off the minute amount of make up she managed to put on that morning and then scoops Charlotte up so she can slide into bed.  
  
"Mummy," the girl grumbles though she clings on to her like a monkey  
  
"It's ok sweetheart, I'm just lying down, go back to sleep." Bernie stirs when the bed dips, cracks her eyes open and settles against the pillows.  
  
"Hey," she croaks and Serena leans to press a kiss to her temple, "You're early,"  
  
"Throwing up on patients is frowned upon," she sighs, shifts Charlotte in her embrace, "Don't worry, I didn't actually but it was touch and go for a while,"  
  
"Not you too?" Bernie can barely keep her eyes open and Serena reaches down to squeeze her hand  
  
"Don't worry about it," she offers, "Go pack to sleep."  


* * *

  
The next time she wakes up it's to throw herself out of bed and into the bathroom. She barely has the presence of mind to make sure Charlotte is safely on the bed in her need to be elsewhere. She knows she'll have bruised knees later, the way she flings herself down in front of the toilette, but soon forgets it and can only focus on emptying the content of her stomach into the bowl. She's catching her breath, her forehead resting on the seat, when a cold hand slips across the back of her neck and Bernie joins her on the floor, rubs her back.  
  
"Ok?" she murmurs, kisses Serena's temple, brushes her fringe away from her forehead  
  
"Been better," Serena grumbles, slumps sideways into her wife who catches her effortlessly, she still feels sick but she's not convinced there is anything left in her to bring up, "The kids?"  
  
"Are ok, Charlotte is almost 100% she just needs to recoup some of her sleep, Ellie has kept her last two feeds down and seems content and I even think Cam is starting to come out of it, he had some soup at lunch time and he's managed to keep it down,"  
  
"This is not how I wanted this week to go," Serena sighs, she'd had such plans, only one shift away from a long weekend in a rural cottage with her family, away from everything and everyone.  
  
"Hey, the kids all got rid of it within 48 hours, I'm on the mend, by the time your time off actually starts you'll be fit as a fiddle."  
  
"I promise darling," Bernie chuckles, brushes her fingers over Serena's cheek before she starts to move, "Come on, lets get you back to bed, the kids are all awake so I'll take them downstairs and you can get some rest."  
  
"You don't have to," she protests but it's weak and Bernie helps her to her feet and practically carries her to the bed.  
  
"You're exhausted, you need to keep your strength up and you can't do that if you are running round after us lot. We'll be fine on our own for a few hours."  


* * *

  
She's asleep before they even leave the room, doesn't feel the kiss pressed to her forehead or the hand that cups her cheek briefly. When she wakes again it's dark and the house is completely silent, the only noise in the room Ellinor's quiet snores over the baby monitor. She pushes herself up, scrubs at her face as she tries to get her bearings, finds the alarm clock that says 20:14 and sighs, she's managed to sleep through tea time, bath time and bed time, probably ruined her own chances of a decent nights sleep too. When Ellie starts fussing she's almost out of bed until she hears Bernie's whispered tones over the monitor and settles back against the cushions, Bernie must have been in the nursery already and that makes her wonder how hard bed time had been.  
  
"Oh I know sweetheart, I know," Bernie murmurs and Ellie quiets a little, "your tummy still hurts doesn't it? But you're ok." Serena closes her eyes and just listens, yet another thing that thrills her because this is her life now, she doesn't have to do it all on her own because Bernie is home and willing to do more than her fair share.  
  
"Don't make me sing to you my love, that wont help anyone," Serena chuckles and slides off the bed, shrugs on a cardigan over her camisole and pads through to the nursery, leans in the doorway and watches Bernie murmur to their baby girl. She's left her in her cot but her hand is resting on her chest, stroking back and forwards. She clears her throat carefully, smiles when Bernie catches her eye and smiles in return. Bernie is settled enough that Bernie can step away from her again and she beacons Serena to join her in the large armchair. She does, curls up in Bernie's lap, dozes while Bernie's hands run soothingly over her back and shoulders. She wakes fully when her stomach grumbles and Bernie laughs against the top of her head.  
  
"Hungry are we?"  
  
"It appears so," she shrugs, she doesn't feel that hungry, hasn't all day but her body deciding that it could eat can only be a good sign.  
  
"Come on then, she seems to have settled now, there's some soup left from lunch. I'll heat it up for you.  
  
  
"So you wont be going into work tomorrow I take it?" Bernie asks once they are sat at the kitchen table, Serena sipping tentatively from her mug of hot soup.  
  
"Not even if I'm feeling better, I have to stay away for at least 48 hours when I have a bug, it's more than my jobs worth to infect the whole hospital." she shrugs, tries to ignore the way her stomach rolls with the introduction of just a little food. There's little doubt in her mind that she'll be sick again before the night is through, "You have a physio appointment don't you?"  
  
"I do," Bernie grumbles and Serena reaches across the table to stroke her hand, she knows how much her wife hates the appointments, the weekly reminder, like she needs one, of what has happened to her. Bernie has bounced back remarkably well, but Serena knows that she still tires quickly, knows that her limp becomes more pronounced after too long on her feet. Luckily she also knows how to incentivize her wife when she is considering skipping an appointment, knows it will work even when they are feeling unwell.  
  
"It'll be worth it in the end," she offers, continues when Bernie raises a skeptical eyebrow, "Playing football with Cam, carrying Charlotte on your shoulders, Ellie when she's old enough. Pinning me up against the wall, being able to hold me up when you've turned my legs to jelly." she knows she's won when Bernie's eyes darken.  
  
"You don't play fair," Bernie grumbles darkly and Serena laughs, squeezes the hand in hers.  
  
"Don't pretend that they aren't things that you want to do again. All of them."  


* * *

  
They sleep in the next day and Serena decides it's easier just to keep the kids at home than rush to get them to school and nursery. Cam still isn't 100% anyway and Charlotte is still tired and clingy so she pushes Bernie out the door to her appointment and then turns her attention to breakfast. She's still exhausted, spent an hour on the bathroom floor in the night bringing up what little she had put into her system in the way of tea, so once breakfast is done she leaves the dishes in the sink and sticks a film on, puts Ellie in her bouncer, curls up on the sofa joined quickly by Charlotte who curls against her stomach, sticks her thumb in her mouth. All is quiet when Bernie comes home looking tired from her appointment and Serena pats the sofa next to her when she catches sight of her.  
  
"I'll just go and change," she offers when she has kissed them all hello, "You feel warm, are you ok?"  
  
"Fine," Serena brushes off, she's actually feeling much better, "Go on, go and change."  
  
"What did they say?" she asks when Bernie returns and they are curled together on the sofa, Charlotte gone to join her brother on the floor with her crayons.  
  
"I'm in trouble for not doing my exercises enough."  
  
"Enough?" Serena prompts, she hasn't seen her wife do any exercises while she's been home,  
  
"Ok, at all," Bernie huffs dramatically and Serena rolls her eyes, decides some more of those incentives are in order.  
  
"Major Wolfe, what am I going to do with you?" she purrs, her arm slipping over Bernie's stomach and up the front of her lose jumper, her fingers stroking over her stomach, "Do I need to start withholding your other exercises?"  
  
"Serena!" Bernie whispers, grabs the hand playing against her skin through her jumper and holds it still, Serena chuckles darkly in her ear, kisses her neck as she slides her hand free and out from under her wife's clothes.  
  
"Just bear in mind that we've got a long weekend together coming up and once the kids are in bed I can either enjoy the hot tub with you, or I can enjoy the hot tub alone, entirely up to you."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If if is known all it would take to breach the intimacy barrier was one NSFW Meme I would have done it ages ago. This pretty much wrote itself and I'm quite pleased with every bit of it. There's a little bit more of their lovely weekend to come. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about that hot tub! 
> 
> Please note the rating change on this one.

The drive is a nightmare, though Serena doesn't know why she is surprised. With Ellie's car seat strapped into the front seat Cam and Charlotte end up fighting over which one of them gets to sit beside Bernie in the back because Serena refuses to let her spend more than two hours squashed in the middle just to keep both kids happy. Cam ends up sitting in the middle, a deal reached when they promise that they can take turns for the rest of the weekend.

Forty minutes in Ellie starts to wail, won't settle no matter how many soothing noises or silly faces Bernie pulls over the back of the seat and they end up having to pull over at a service station. If Ellie was wailing before she screams blue murder when Serena picks her up, only settles when Bernie takes her, holds her close and murmurs against the top of her head. Serena is thrilled that her wife and their youngest seem to have developed an unbreakable bond despite Bernie being missing for most of the first six months of Ellie's life. When she's sure Bernie has everything under control she takes the other two to buy snacks and some coffee to keep them quiet. By the time they get back Ellie is smiling and giggling as Bernie bounces her around and Serena smiles, shifts the coffee holder to one hand and pulls out the camera with the other so she can snap a quick picture, no doubt it will be rubbish, she's not often trusted with the camera, but she wants to try.

Once they are bundled back in the car, Charlotte beside Bernie now and ellie gumming a Rusk to keep her occupied everything seems to go smoothly. She watches Bernie and Charlotte whisper between themselves in the rear view mirror, watches her wife wrap her arm around the girls shoulder and kiss the top of her head. She doesn't think she could ever have asked for a more perfect family and the thought makes her glow.

* * *

  
Their nightmare of the early part of the journey is made entirely worth it when Serena steps out onto the gravel drive, looks out over nothing but fields and takes a breath of crisp country air. If not for the love of surgery Serena could see herself owning a small farm out in the wilds somewhere, Bernie getting up in the morning to see to the animals while Serena saw to the kids, then spending the rest of her day turning their crops into produce, meeting with local shops, rearing the odd stray piglet, a dream of another time.

Bernie slides up beside her, Ellie balance on her hip and slips her arm around her shoulder, enjoys the view with her. Serena slips her own arm around Bernie's waist, turns to lean against her slightly and sighs out the tension of work, letting it leave her for the weekend. It's the click and whir of the camera going off behind them that draws her attention, they ought to have realised that the other two were far too quiet and Serena twists her head to find Cam standing camera still to his face, smiles, receives a second click for her trouble. She imagines her sons pictures will be better than hers, even at six he has an understanding of colour and composition and she decides to have a look at kids cameras for his birthday, thinks he will enjoy something to experiment with.

"Come in then," she says, kisses Bernie's shoulder before moving back round to the boot, "everyone grab your bags and we'll head inside."

* * *

  
The cottage is as beautiful inside as it is out, well decorated and cosy. Serena notes the open fire, briefly wishes that it was winter, likes the idea of stripping Bernie naked on a rug in front of it, shakes the thought away before it can wander any further, turns her attention back to the kids who are desperate to see where they will be sleeping.

Yet again she is forced to referee between the two oldest because of course they want the same room and Serena ends up having to play the age card, Cam is older so he gets the bigger room. Charlotte runs off in a temper, throws her back pack into the room she very much doesn't want then sits in the top step, her arms folded and a frown on her face. Serena ruffles Cam's hair and slips into the master bedroom, grins at the four poster bed, drops hers and Bernie's bags onto the end of it, returns to the landing to find Cam sitting beside his sister on the stairs, his arm wrapped around her shoulder.

"Sorry Lottie," he says and Serena's heart swells, he's such a good boy, the perfect big brother, loves both of his little sisters to death.

"It ok," Charlotte says but her voice is still sulky, "you older."

"You can sit next to mummy in the car all weekend," he offers and Serena sees Charlotte's face light up,

"Really,"

"Yeah really," Cam nods and Charlotte throws her arm around his neck and kisses his cheek.

"Love you Cam."

 

* * *

 

Ellie is sprawled out on her baby gym, Charlotte beside her making the toys move and Cam has his ever present drawing book and a book about medieval knights. Serena is curled up beside Bernie, a cup of tea cradled between both of her hands and it's bliss. She'd booked the holiday long before Bernie ended up home to coincide with her last few months of tour. She's always struggled with the end of a tour the most, constantly waiting for the bomb to drop, literally, and blow her world to pieces. She'd known the trip would do them all good, some fresh air and time outdoors just what they all needed. Had asked Sian to join them but although she loves her best friend she is pleased that, out of the two of them, it's Bernie who is beside her.

* * *

  
She wakes with a start and blinks her eyes open, unsure of when exactly she fell asleep, knows she never planned to. Bernie is no longer with her, the mug has been removed from her hand and she's lying along the length of the sofa tucked under a heavy wool blanket. Her mouth feels like sandpaper and her head is heavy, a sure sign that she has slept far beyond a nap and her body wants more. Rather than allowing her body to succumb to more sleep she pushes herself up and rubs at her face, finds the kids in front of the tv watching Finding Nemo but Bernie nowhere to be seen.

"Kids, where's your mumma?" She croaks, coughs to clear her throat

"Making dinner," Cam says, doesn't even look away from the TV and Serena sighs, pushes herself up and stumbles in the direction of the kitchen, Bernie cooking isn't exactly something to be thrilled about.

Luckily the kitchen is in one piece and there are no obvious signs of fire. Ellie's strap in bean bag is in the middle of the huge kitchen island and Bernie is pottering around looking totally in control.

"Oh you're awake," she says when she spots her, wanders over to give her a kiss, "how are you feeling?"

"I'll be fine once I've woken up a little. What's for dinner?"

"Pizza," Bernie smiles, draws her across the room and pushes her down into a stool, presses a glass of wine into her hand and she can see Bernie's beer sitting next to the cooker, "I let the kids pick their toppings and I made your usual. That ok?"

"Mmmm" Serena hums in agreement, reaches out to tickle the bottom of Ellie's feet making the baby giggle and kick her legs. If there's one thing Bernie can do it's pizza and it's been a long time since Serena has had the pleasure of the indulgence. "I suppose I can't complain about that. I see Ellie has had her tea," she adds with a raised eyebrow and Bernie blushes, the baby is covered in dinner.

"I'd planned to have her changed before you woke up," she shrugs, "what can I say, she really enjoyed it."

"Quite." Serena smirks, putting down her wine and pushing to her feet, "I'll sort her out while you finish dinner. I expect everyone to have at least on vegetable on their plate, including you!"

* * *

 

  
By the time they get the kids settled down enough to sleep Serena can barely keep her eyes open and she allows herself to be coaxed into bed, not at all in the way she had planned for their first night. Bernie chuckles when she sees her pout, soothes it out with her thumb.

"Don't worry darling, we have all weekend."

* * *

 

  
When she next wakes it's with a yelp, then a groan as a hot younger laces over the tender area that was recently trapped by teeth. She opens her eyes to blonde hair splayed over her chest as Bernie's lips, tongue and teeth work over her stomach, left bare where her wife has unbuttoned her pyjama top.

"Bernie," she moans when the blonde hits a particularly sensitive spot under her right breast and her eyes emerge, twinkling and pleased.

"Oh, you're awake." She purrs, licks a trail between Serena's breasts, over her collar bone and across her neck until she reaches her ear, "kids are all still flat out. Think you can keep quiet?" Serena lets out a breathy moan as Bernie's fingers slide past the barrier of her sleep shorts, directly to where she needs her most. She's embarrassingly wet already, wonders briefly how long Bernie was teasing her before she woke until the blonde enters her with two fingers and no preamble and everything goes blank. All she is aware of are Bernie's fingers moving languidly in and out of her and the blondes mouth on her neck. As Bernie works her slowly she sinks her teeth into her own wrist to keep herself quiet. She can feel the orgasm building, isn't surprised that she is coming so quickly, but it is circling just out of reach until Bernie twists her wrist, brings her thumb into play on her clit and it's almost instant. Every muscle in her body tenses at once, white light bursts behind her eyes and she bites down so hard on her own skin she swears she draws blood. When she opens her eyes Bernie has a self satisfied look on her face, makes a show of sliding her hands out of her pants and licking them clean. Serena surges forwards to kiss her, doesn't care about morning breath or the fact that their teeth clash together, pushes her tongue into her wife's mouth and kisses her like her life depends on it. She doesn't take long to turn the tables, flips Bernie into her back and straddles her waist, runs her fingers over her torso.

"Morning," she smirks, takes Bernie's hands from their resting place on her thighs and pins them above her head, enjoys the flash of desire on Bernie's face. Shifting her weight so she's holding Bernie's wrists in one hand, trails the other over her torso, straight to her cotton covered sex. Bernie keens in the back of her throat and Serena smirks, drops her mouth to her wife's ear.

"Now now Mrs Wolfe," she purrs, "if you can't stay quiet, we stop," she flicks her wrist and, although Bernie's chest heaves she stays quiet, "good girl." Serena nips her necks, knows they don't have time, so stops teasing, slips her hand straight into Bernie's underwear, rolls her fingers over her clit, tightens her grip on her wrists when Bernie bucks so hard she almost toppled off. She focuses everything on Bernie's clit, knows that it will be enough to push Bernie over the edge of it's done properly. She's not disappointed when not long after, when Bernie goes off like a rocket, almost looses control of the groan caught in the back of her throat, bites down on Serena's shoulder and causes her to yelp.

They are only just getting their breath back when the baby monitor on the bedside table lights up and is quickly followed by a piercing cry.

"Figures." Bernie groans, Serena chuckles, rolls to her feet and kisses Bernie lightly.

"I'll go," she says, slips into the bathroom to wash her hands before heading to Ellie's room. At least they both got to finish, she supposes, though she would have liked to be able to enjoy the after good for a little longer, she knows that the feeling will follow her through the day, that she will feel boneless well past lunch time, the effect waking up to an orgasm does to her.

By the time she gets back to the master bedroom Ellie has quieted and Charlotte is kneeling in Bernie's lap, distorting her face between her chubby fingers while Bernie grins at her. Their bubble has been well and truly broken but listening to Charlotte giggle, having their children and no work to distract them, makes it completely worth it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one comes with a huge NSFW warning and a tiny side of family fluff. Honestly, don't read this at work!

Serena steps out onto the decking with Ellie balanced on her hip and a tray of drinks balanced preciously in the other hand, which she slides onto the table as quickly as she can. Bernie, Charlotte and Cam are already in the hot tub and she wanders over to the edge, grins down at her wife who is smiling contentedly up at her, the pain relief and the heat obviously working wonders.

  
They have spent most of the day wandering the trails at the local national park, snapping pictures, chasing the kids around play areas, through the forest. It’s been amazing, Serena already knows that she isn’t going to want to leave but she also knows that Bernie has over done it. She spent the day with Ellie strapped to her front or Charlotte on her back, has walked more and on router terrain than she has since she the accident. By the time they got back to the car Bernie's limp was more pronounced than it had been in weeks and Serena cold tell she was in pain, only prove when her wife had accepted the painkillers pushed into ear hand with no complaints.

  
“You going to go to Mumma?” She coos at Ellie, tickles her stomach and the baby shrieks with excitement, holds her tiny arms out to Bernie as soon as Serena turns her so she's facing her.

  
“You are joining us though?’ Bernie asks as she dunks Ellie's feet in and out of the water a few times before settling her between her knees.

  
“Of course,” Serena throws over her shoulder, moves to sort the drinks out and then tugs the oversized shirt over her head. She can feel Bernie's eyes on her and she hopes her wife isn't disappointed by the simple one piece. Her body confidence has diminished somewhat since having Ellie and while having Bernie home is helping the thought of putting a bikini on like Bernie had so effortlessly had made her feel a little ill, she's not even 100% confident in the one piece but when she turns round and Bernie is still watching her, smiling at her with nothing but love in her eyes, she relaxes a little. Carefully she steps into the hot tub and relaxes back against the side, accepts Charlotte immediately into her lap. It’s quiet, the kids are as tired as their mothers, happy to just splash in the Jets a little.

* * *

  
After a hour or so Serena persuades them all out, Bernie can barely keep her eyes open and the kids could probably do with a nap before dinner, just so they don't fall asleep too early later. They take a youngster each, let Cam get himself sorted. By the time Serena gets downstairs with Charlotte, Bernie and Ellie are already on the sofa and Cam is sorting out a film, Bernie has changed into sweat pants and a tank top, the lines of pain around her eyes have vanished completely. Charlotte’s thumb is already in her mouth and she insists on curling up in her mummy's knee. Bernie smiles gently at her from the other hand of the sofa, holds out her arm and Serena happily curls into her side, kisses Ellie's head, Bernie's shoulder, before settling properly against her wife's side. Cam shrugs off the offer of space on the sofa, settles on the floor in front of them instead and Serena reaches out and settles her hand against his shoulder, enjoys being in physical contact with her whole family at once. She’s tireder than she realised, can feel her eyes closing and she's deep asleep before the house flies.

* * *

 

Bed time is a nightmare, they sleep longer than any of them should on the sofa and by the time proper bed time comes around the children are all too hyped to sleep. Cam is the first to settle, just takes himself to bed after kissing his mothers and his sisters good night, Ellie goes from hyper to flat out in the time it takes for her to drink her last bottle of the day, but Charlotte battles sleep like her life depends on it and both Serena and Bernie end up in bed with her alternately stroking her hair and telling her stories until, forty five minutes later, her eyes close and stay closed.

"Wine?" Bernie asks when they've pulled the door closed behind them and Serena grins at her, presses up into her toes to press a lingering kiss to the very corner of her mouth.

"I thought you'd never ask," she murmurs, strokes her thumb over her wife's hips, "why don't we sip into the hot tub for a little while, the heat will be good for your poor back." The glint in Bernie's eyes is all the confirmation she needs and she kisses again before slipping away to change.

When she gets downstairs all of the lights are off except for the spot lights under the cabinets and she uses the dull glow to guide her safely to the back garden where Bernie is already waiting. She has put the bikini from earlier back on and illuminated by the tub lights and the fairy lights strung around the garden she looks like a goddess, a goddess holding out a glass of wine. Serena closes the distance in between them in long strides, grins at her wife as she accepts the glass, doesn't break eye contact as she takes a long sip.

"Just what the doctor ordered," she says, slides her arms around Bernie's waist and rests against her, "how's the back?"

"It's been worse," Bernie shrugs, the pain killers and the heat certainly helped.

"Good, get in, I'll give you a rub. Loosen up the last of the knots." After settling the baby monitor on the edge of the tub Bernie slips into the water without complaint, settles where instructed, between Serena's knees. The brunette takes another mouthful of wine before setting to work, finding knots in Bernie's muscles and working them out with a singular purpose. It begins as an innocent massage but Serena knew it wouldn't stay that way, takes a momentary pleasure in Bernie's gasp when her hands slide up her stomach and briefly cup her breasts and then trail over her shoulders.

"Don't be so surprised." She husks against the blondes shoulder, punctuates her sentence with kisses to her neck and jaw, "I'm sure I said that if you kept up with your exercises you would be rewarded." She lets her hands skin and tease, never landing where Bernie wants her, peppers kisses against her neck and shoulders, flicks her tongue over the still pink scar at the base of her throats until Bernie is keening quietly, her hips rolling in small waves of her own accord.

"Someone's eager," she hums and Bernie groans as her hands slim right to the apex of her thighs, changing course at the very last moment.

"Serena please." Bernie groans, pushes her backside hard against Serena's core and Serena has to bite back her own groan at the contact.

"Please what?" She demands instead, rakes her nails over Bernie's stomach as much to ground herself as to tease her wife.

"Please." Bernie stutters out again and Serena takes pity on her, squeezes her hips and encourages her to shift round until she's straddling her waist, knees pressed into her hips, finally facing her.

"Beautiful," Serena murmurs, trailing her hands up the blondes torso as she looks into her eyes, wonders if her own are blown as wide as Bernie's are. She continues her movements in a similar pattern to what she has used so far but with slightly more intent, removes Bernie's bikini top and brings her mouth into play, rolls first one, then the other nipple between her lips, leaving each of them with her teeth and tongue until Bernie's hips are shifting in a constant, frantic rhythm and her fingers are gripping so hard that Serena won't be surprised if she's bruised in the morning.

"Oh god!" Bernie gasps when, without warning, Serena's hand slides directly into her bikini bottoms, her fingers rolling over her clit.

"Tell me what you want." She says against the blondes mouth before she kisses her soundly, her fingers keeping up their constant movement.

"I want. Oh god, I need you to fuck me!" Bernie blurts out and the candidness of the statement pulls a groan from Serena's lips as she withdraws her fingers and encourages Bernie to remove the swimming shorts. It's so rare that Bernie is so crass and to the point, even when Serena has teased and teased her until she's begging that when she does it short circuits Serena's brain somewhat. As soon as her wife is back in position without a barrier between them she immediately slides into her, first with one finger and then two, starts a steady rhythm which Bernie quickly replaces with one of her own leaving Serena to simply watch her move, grips at Bernie's thigh with her free hand to keep them both grounded. When Bernie cums it's with three of Serena's fingers stretching her, her head thrown back to the sky and her eyes closed, she looks glorious and Serena feels a much smaller answering shudder move through her just at the sight.

Bernie doesn't take long to recover at all, surprises Serena by moving her costume with a flick of her wrist so her fingers can play over her clit.

"Don't." She husks when Serena begins to withdraw her own fingers, tenses around the digits to illustrate her point and Serena groans, tangles her free hand in Bernie's hair and brings their mouths together, kisses her wife over and over again. She isn't all that surprised when the orgasm hits her quickly, flutters her fingers until Bernie is right there with her, fluttering around her wife still buried inside her. Only then does Bernie go limp, collapses against Serena and the brunette wraps her up in a tight embrace.

"Wow," she breathes against her wife's collar bones and Serena chuckles, trails her fingers over Bernie's back.

"Wow indeed," she chuckles, "god, if the kids weren't here I'd have you on every surface in this place over the course of the weekend."

"Have mercy on me woman," Bernie groans, nips at Serena's skin with her teeth, "you don't play fair,"

"How about we take this inside, have a shower and see where this takes us?" She suggests, her hands moving with intent again, "does that sound fair?"

* * *

  
Serena is pleased when the kids sleep late the next day, is even more pleased when Bernie offers to drive them out to the safari park so Serena can have a break. It's a hot day and Serena is pleased that she and Bernie learnt a long time ago that it was just easier to mark places that were easily covered though neither of them would be putting their swimming costumes on again this holiday.

The kids have one of the best days Serena can remember seeing, never stop smiling and Bernie is the same, her smile never faltering. With Bernie with then she can't imagine having Sian on this trip instead and yet again she is struck with the realisation that this is their life now, that there will be no more trips with another adult instead of mumma, and her grin is permanent too.

* * *

  
It's late by the time they get back to the cottage and they take one of the girls each, already asleep and tuck them into bed, by the time they check on Cam he is flat out and Bernie pulls the duvet over him, they both kiss his head, before they slip out into the hall. Hand in hand they wander to the bedroom to change, end up curled together in the middle of the bed, on top of the duvet, even though they know it's too early to contemplate sleep.

"I keep realising," Serena says quietly, watches her finger draw circles on the back of Bernie's hand, "that this is permanent, that there's no more counting down to the next tour, that I never have to wave you off at the airport again."

"Pretty amazing feeling isn't it?" Bernie agrees, presses a kiss to the top of her head, "I'll never be able to make it up to you all, the army life I forced on you. I know it can't have been easy, I know it's a miracle I have the relationship I do with the kids despite missing more of their lives than I've been around for."

"I speak for all of us when I say we love you, that we wouldn't change you for anything else in the world," Serena says, twisting so she can look at her wife, smiling up at her, "I won't pretend it's been easy but I'd do it all in a heartbeat if it means having you in my life."

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By some absolute miracle I actually know where both of my main fics are going at the moment so they might come a little faster (might).
> 
> I have some ideas for one shots too but as usual, if you guys want something in particular hit me up!
> 
> You're all amazing, honestly, I wouldn't be half the writer I am without all of your support.

Bernie is starting to get restless, Serena can see it in everything she does, the fact that the house is spotless every time she comes home from work, that dinner is on the table every night. Bernie is there practically as soon as she steps through the door, wants to hear about her day or do something with the kids, has an abundance of energy that makes Serena groan, as much as she loves having Bernie home it’s also a little bit like having an excited puppy waiting for her and some days it’s too exhausting.

* * *

 

It gets worse when Ellie goes to nursery full time and Bernie has no one to talk to all day. All of her army buddies are still serving, she’s never been in Holby long enough to make some firm friends and so she’s left mostly to her own devices. Serena comes home one day to find the kitchen cupboards totally rearranged, another to find every piece of furniture in the living room an inch or two out of place, a result of Bernie moving everything to clean and not being quite sure of where things went back. The final straw comes when she arrives home from a late shift and after some toast, makes her way upstairs in the dark not wanting to wake anyone, and trips over something, nearly breaks her neck (and her toes). She must make a noise because the next thing she knows Bernie is standing in the bedroom door looking concerned.

“What on earth,” she mutters, leans over to turn the light on and finds the hall lined with boxes, “Berenice Wolfe, what did you do?” She growls and Bernie at least has the sense to look sheepish.

“I was clearing out the attic and I lost track of time,” she says, tries to look innocent, “I’m going to take it to the tip tomorrow.”

“I’m quite sure,” Serena huffs, hobbling past her wife into the bedroom, “That a) we’ve had a conversation about all of this heavy lifting already and b) there are several more appropriate places to leave all of this where people wouldn’t trip over it.”

“And I’ve said I ran out of time. I had to go and pick the kids and then there wasn't the time to do anything about it. Ellie only just settled and I didn’t want to be moving things around and disturbing them.”

“A text of warning would have sufficed,” Serena snapped, she didn’t know where the anger was coming from but there was nothing she could do to stop it.

“I’m sorry, look, tonight's been a nightmare, Ellie has been fussy and Charlotte has been in a terrible strop so I’m sorry I didn’t even think to text you. It won't happen again.”

“At least you’re finally realising that it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, that you can’t just come in, spoil them and then disappear for months on end.” She slams the bathroom door closed behind her, presses her back against it and tries to breathe, her chest is heaving and she takes a moment to try and steady her breathing. She feels immediately awful for throwing back in Bernie’s face the one thing that Bernie feels most guilty about, doesn't even know why she said it when it couldn’t be further from how she actually feels. She thinks about going straight back out there to apologise but decides that a shower first would give her a chance to properly calm down and leans into the cubicle to flick it on before stripping off.

* * *

 

By the time she steps back into the bedroom, dressed in her pjs, her hair still dripping, Bernie is nowhere to be seen and closer inspection of the bed reveals that her pillows are missing too. She sighs, rubs at her eyes and goes in search of her wife, knows that this is her mess to fix. She finds Bernie on the sofa, curled up into a tiny ball, the throw from the back of the sofa pulled over her legs. Serena pauses for a moment before moving to perch next to Bernie's feet, stares at her hands where they hang between her knees, doesn't know where to start.

“You know how much I hated leaving you every single time,” Bernie begins quietly, “how hard it was every single time. I never thought it was easy for you, never thought that bringing our children up, keeping the house, working full time was a walk in the park,” she continues, her fingers toying with the frayed edge of her sleeve, “I never thought you would throw it back in my face.”

“Bernie I’m sorry, I…”

“I'm trying so hard,” Bernie Kees talking as if she hasn’t heard Serena speak, “to be all of the things you need me to be while trying to make up for all of the things I've missed, all of the times one of the kids were sick and I wasn’t head, all of the times one of them kept you up all night and you just had to keep going. All the while trying to readjust to this life and I know I'm still getting things wrong, still learning but I am trying.”

“Oh darling, I know you are.” She signs, moves so she is kneeling in front of her wife, strokes her unruly fringe away from her face, “and I'm sorry for suggesting anything different. It's no excuse I know but it's been an awful day and I'm exhausted, I think stubbing my toe was the metaphorical straw that broke the camels back. I shouldn't have taken it out on you.”

“I had planned to have it all done before you got home and the boxes shifted into the garage,” Bernie looks like a kicked puppy and Serena hates herself for it

“It’s ok,” Serena soothes, strokes her face lightly, tries a smile, “Come to bed?”

“Sure you want me there?” Bernie asks and although she's clearly trying to joke she still sounds unsure,

“Nowhere else I'd want you,” Serena kisses her forehead, pushes up to her feet and holds out her hand, “Come on,” Ellie starts to fuss as they ascend the stairs and Bernie squeezes her hand then breaks away,

“I’ll go, you go and get yourself comfortable,” and Serena snags her wrist, pulls her close to kiss her temple,

“I love you,” she murmurs against the skin, “why don’t you bring her through for a cuddle?”

“Ok,” Bernie agrees before she slips through into the nursery, Serena quickly checks on the other two and is just climbing into bed when Bernie returns with Ellie cradled in her arms.

“Hello little one,” she coos, accepts the baby into her arms so Bernie can get comfortable beside her, “What’s all this fuss about?”

“I think she's teething,” Bernie says gently, stroking her fingers over the girls head and Serena slips her fingers carefully into her mouth, traces over her gums.

“Oh yes,” she sing songs, “two coming through at once haven't you?”

“Oh my darling girl,” Bernie sighs, lets her head drop onto Serena's shoulder and Serena twists and kisses her head,

“Hello you,” she rumbles quietly, smiles when Bernie twists her head up to her and kisses her lightly,

“Hi,” she smiles, busses their noses together, “Now talk me through your day, let it all out.”

* * *

 

  
Ellie screams blue murder when they drop her at nursery the next morning and Serena has to hold tightly onto Bernie's hand to stop her taking their youngest home.

“She’ll be fine,” she murmurs, squeezes her fingers, “now come on, let me take you for coffee before I have to be at the hospital.”

They settle into their favourite café with a coffee each and a slice of cake between them, sit in comfortable silence for a while, happy to watch the world move around them.

“I think I need to start thinking about what I'm doing next.” Bernie says eventually and Serena looks up to find her gazing into her drink, “I know I’m starting to get under your feet.”

“Hey,” Serena soothes, reaches out, grazes her fingers over her wife's hand and wrist, “You’re never under my feet but I've noticed you've been restless, especially since Ellie went into nursery full time and as much as coming home to dinner on the table and a tidy house is amazing some days I don't have the energy to deal with your abundance of energy when I get home from work.”

“I know, I’m sorry I've been a lot,” for the second time in the span of 12 hours Bernie looks like a kicked puppy and Serena hates it, squeezes her fingers,

“You have been,” she chuckles, earns a small grin from the blonde, “But I’d rather that than any alternative option. What are you thinking, or haven't you got past knowing you need to find something?”

“I don't want to go back to full time, not yet. I’ve missed enough of family life and I’m not ready to let it go just yet, and I don’t really want to work nights,”

“Why don’t you look into locum work?you’ll be able to specify your days and yours hours and that way we can build the kids a schedule between the two of us.”

“And we can match our days off,” Bernie nudges with a smile, “I think I need to start running again too, start channeling the energy somewhere.”

“As long as you’ve been cleared for exercise and you don't over do it.”

“I won't I promise,” Bernie brings their joined hands to her lips, traces them over her knuckles, “You could always come out with me, keep an eye on me.”

“Oh har bloody har,” Serena deadpans, “And I know I don't need to remind you of your incentives to stay fit and healthy.”

“Maybe job my memory,” Bernie smirks and Serena chuckles darkly,

“Playing with the kids, carrying any one of them on your back, lifting me onto any surface you want,”

“Noted.” Bernie grins, “Now come on, I’ll drop you at work and then I might give a little three miles a go.”

* * *

 

When she stops to do some paperwork and checks her phone she’s greeted with a selfie from Bernie, red faced and sweaty but grin wide, ‘two miles of hell’ the message reads and Serena smiles with her, scrolls down to read the next message and her smile falters, she kicks the door shut and calls her wife immediately.

“Hey,” she offers carefully, “OK?”

“I just feel awful,” Bernie sighs and Serena just wishes she could hug her, “I didn't even think about contacting her when I ended up back here.”

“In your defence you had other things going on,” Serena soothes,

“But I could have. Shit! I could have died Serena, having not seen my mother for years, having never introduced her to her grandchildren.” Serena feels a pang of guilt too, that Marsha Wolfe hadn’t even got close to entering her mind in the aftermath of Bernie's accident.

“But you didn’t,” Serena murmurs, still hates that it could have happened at all, “You need to email her, let her know what happened and tell her that it's time she stops this nonsense and meets her family.”

“Yeah,” Bernie mutters, “Yes,” she repeats, seems to find her confidence, “Sorry,”

“No don’t be,” Serena smiles, turns to her desk and groans internally at the pile of paperwork on her desk, “Go email your mother then spend the afternoon with the kids. If you can get the three of them settled I’ll bring dinner in for the two of us.”

“Deal,” Bernie agrees and Serena can hear the smile in her voice, “Love you.”

“Love you too darling.”

* * *

 

  
Miraculously Serena gets home early and is pleased to find the house quiet. She loves the children but it’s been a long few days and she doesn't have the energy to offer them that they deserve, the thought of the already being asleep is bliss. She has a day off tomorrow anyway so she’ll get them in the morning and the evening so she’s happy to just spend what is left of the night with her wife. She follows the low murmur of the TV to the living room, finds Bernie curled on the sofa, already in her pyjamas, watching one of her historical documentaries.

“You’re home early,” she says, looking up when she hears movement in the doorway, “Quiet day?”

“Yes, both a blessing and a curse if you consider that I’ve spent several hours today on paperwork,” Serena sighs, holds up the bag in her hand, “I brought dinner.” Bernie pushes to her feet, takes the bag from her hands and kisses her, pushes her towards the stairs,

“Go get comfortable, I’ll sort this out,” She doesn't argue, heads up the stair case already unbuckling and unbuttoning her shirt, changes quickly into pyjamas and warm fluffy socks. She checks on the kids before she goes back down, kisses them all on the forehead, pulls Cam’s duvet from where he’s kicked it to the bottom of the bed back over him, tucks Charlotte’s stuffed bunny back in beside her. She spends a little longer in the nursery, watches Ellie as she sleeps peacefully, strokes her warm little cheek and wonders how long it took Bernie to settle her, how many times she’ll wake up in the night because of the pain of teething.

By the time she gets downstairs Bernie is back on the sofa but there are two plates of food and a glass of wine and a beer on the table in front of her.

“Ok?” She asks, settles back with her plate and Serena follows her lead, takes a mouthful of wine before tucking into her food.

“Fine,” she smiles, forces herself to start relaxing, “Kids settle ok?”

“For the most part,” Bernie shrugs, turns her body so she’s sat sideways, facing Serena, and the brunette copies her action, tangles their feet together where they meet in the middle, “Ellie is still a little grumpy, I gave her some Calpol, I hope that's ok.”

“Of course it is, you're her mother too, you can make those decisions, I trust you.”

“I’m just still getting used to it.”

“I know but know that I trust you,” they eat in silence for a little while, Serena smiling every time their eyes meet.

“What did your mother have to say?” She asks when she’s eaten all that she can manage and put the plate back on the table, replacing it with her glass of wine.

“Not a lot,” Bernie shrugs, “Nothing new anyway, she sent some things for the kids, sends her love.”

“And you emailed her,”

“Yeah,” Bernie nods, shifts so her legs are crossed and cradles her beer between them, “Straight away, given her my umber again too. I guess we’ll see what happens.”

“We will and you shouldn't feel guilty, it’s not ideal, any of this, but it is what it is. I hadn't even thought about your mother until that text today. The nature of the relationship we have with her means that it doesn’t naturally come to mind.”

“Maybe it's time we changed that?” Bernie looks hopeful that Serena hopes too, hopes that maybe for the first time, they might be able to have a relationship with Bernie's mothers, it’s not something she’s ever really wanted, not after the way she has seen Bernie's parents treat her but she knows that Bernie loves them, especially Marsha so she's willing to give her a chance, she hopes they get the opportunity. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally seduced myself into writing this chapter tonight, cooked myself a nice meal, poured myself a red stag and coke, lit every candle in the living room and stuck Lord of the Rings on (wife hates them so I've watched two tonight while she's at work) this was the result and I'm pretty happy with it, I hadn't planned for it to end the way it did but what can I say, our ladies can't keep their hands off each other! 
> 
> That said, this is yet again NSFW, I hope you guys enjoy it and as usual thank you for all the kudos and the lovely comments, the support means the world!

Bernie’s phone rings over a week later and she misses the call, too busy juggling getting Ellie into her shoes and cajoling Charlotte into putting her own on to answer it. She picks it up on her way out the door the get the kids from school and nursery, doesn’t recognise the number so decides she’ll deal with it later, is already running late so doesn’t have time to stop and check it out.

It’s almost lunchtime before she has the chance to look again, answers the text from Serena before she realises that whoever called her that morning left a voicemail. She sits at the kitchen table with her cup of tea and sandwich and follows the instructions from the recorded voice, nearly drops the phone when she finally gets to the message and she hears her mothers voice over the tinny connection, the first time she’s heard it in years.

“Bernie it’s me, it’s, it’s your mum. I just got your email and I wanted to make sure you were ok, I know you said you were in the email but I would like to hear you say it. I think I’d like to see it with my own eyes too. Anyway, you’re busy, I hope the kids and Serena are doing ok, call me back if you have a minute, please.” Bernie’s stomach twists as she listens, she hasn’t heard Marsha Wolfe’s voice for years, has almost forgotten what she sounds like, hates that the first time she s hearing it after all that time it is filled with so much worry. She pushes her sandwich away, not hungry suddenly, and cradles her mug in one hand, holds the phone tightly in the other and tries to breathe. She knew what she was doing giving her mother her mobile number but she had never for a moment imagined that the other woman would actually make contact and now she isn’t sure how to proceed. As much as she wants to reconnect with at least one of her parents it still hurts to know that they could abandon her so easily, in some ways her mothers lack of action hurts more than any of her fathers words and she isn’t sure how to reconcile herself to the two opposing feelings.

* * *

 

When Serena returns home from an early shift an hour later she finds her wife sat at the kitchen table staring at her mobile phone, there’s an abandoned sandwich pushed away from her, the remnants of a cup of tea cold at her elbow.

“Bernie?” She says carefully, slides her hand over her shoulder and squeezes lightly, “Darling are you ok?” Bernie blinks as though she is clearing her vision and twists her face up to Serena, there is a smile on her face but her forehead is creased with a mixture of worry and confusion.

“You’re home early,” is what she says and Serena cups her cheek, strokes her thumb across her bottom lip,

“No I’m not, it’s after one. Daydreaming again?” She watches Bernie shake off the confusion and reach of her phone, she fiddles with it a while and then an unfamiliar voice fills the space and Serena quickly realises what the problem is.

“Ah,” she offers when Bernie puts the phone back on the table, “Can I assume you haven’t called her back?”

“I didn’t know what to say, where to start,” Bernie sighs and Serena takes the chair beside her, cradles both of her hands between her own, strokes her fingers over her knuckles, “It’s all well and good her wanting to know that I’m ok, but what if I hadn’t been, what if, what if I hadn’t come back, would she have taken the Tim to meet you, meet the kids then or would she have ignored you the way she’s ignored me, ignored us, so far. It’s all well and good her making contact but if this hadn’t happened would it have ever been any more than a letter every now and then?”

“I thought you wanted her to make contact, wanted to try and move this along?” Serena says gently, wants Bernie to work through whatever is going on in her head but knows that she needs a little bit of a push every now and then.

“I did, I do, I…” Bernie trails off and meets Serena’s eyes and the look in her own breaks Serena’s heart, gently she shuffles forwards and enfolds her wife in a hug, runs soothing fingers through her hair.

“It was never going to be easy and I don’t expect you to do this on your own, none of it,” Bernie sags against her and she trails her hands down her back, holds her close, “look, why don’t we go for a walk before we have to pick the girls up? Give you a chance to clear your head. Whatever you decide doesn’t have to happen right now, doesn’t have to happen tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry,” Bernie sighs, forces herself upright and scrubs at her face, Serena takes the hand gently in hers and kisses her knuckles,

“Stop apologising and eat your sandwich while I go and change, I’ll just be a minute.” When she’s sure that Bernie is actually going to eat her lunch she kisses the top of her head, picks both of their phones off the table and heads upstairs to change, hopes the walk and the distraction will help Bernie to work through what she is feeling.

 

* * *

 

They spend the rest of the afternoon out in the fresh air with the kids, walk to pick up Ellie and Charlotte from nursery and then along to pick Cameron up from school, Bernie wearing Ellie in the sling against her chest and Serena with Charlotte alternating between walking beside her and clinging to her hip. When they get Cam, Charlotte insists on walking with her brother so Serena hangs back with Bernie, laces their fingers together.

“Ok?” She asks quietly as they wander the park, it really is a beautiful day and she’s glad they have chosen to spend it outside,

“Perfect,” Bernie hums, brings their joined hands up to press a kiss to Serena’s knuckles then pulls her closer, slings her arm around her shoulder, “I’ll call my mum once the kids are in bed.”

“Sure?” She knew the distraction would help her organise her thoughts a little and she looks up to find Serena smiling down at her,

“Yes,” Bernie nods, kisses her forehead, “It’s time my mother met her grandchildren and the woman who has made me the happiest person on earth, even if it only happens once I want to know that it has happened and I hope that showing her this family that we’ve built is enough to make her realise how much she’s missed out on, make her want to change it.”

“I hope so too,” Serena agrees, means it, mostly, she’s never quite understood how anyone could give up the chance of knowing the woman she fell in love with, the woman she has grown into as a wife and a mother in the years they have been together. She’s often thought that she is angrier at the Wolfe’s than Bernie has ever been but then she reminds herself that Bernie had been living with her fathers outdated attitude and her mothers unwillingness to stick up for her for much longer than Serena had, that it was almost the only parenting style Bernie had ever experienced while Serena had been lucky enough to have two parents who loved her dearly, albeit in very different ways.

“Will you sit with me, while I speak to her?” Bernie asks, draws Serena’s attention back to the present and she squeezes her wife’s fingers tightly, “Of course I will be, every step of the way.”

* * *

  
They sit side by side on the bed, Bernie’s phone laying in the space between them once Ellie has finally settled for the night, Bernie looking everywhere but at the device.

“Do you think it’s too late to call her?” She asks, pulling at the fingers of her right hand with her left until her knuckles pop, then switching hands, doing the same with her left,

“I think,” Serena offers, covers the blondes hands with her own to still the movement, “That her phone will be switched off if it is and then you can just leave a message.”

“And you’ll stay with me?”

“Unless you ask me to I’m not going anywhere darling, but you don’t have to do this, not if you aren’t ready.” Bernie stares at their joined hands for long moment before she lets out a long breath and grabs for her mobile. Her grip on Serena’s hand is bone crunching as the phone rings and rings and Bernie has started to relax, assuming the older woman isn’t going to pick up, when she does at the last second before it switches to voicemail. Serena tries not to listen too hard, wants to give Bernie some privacy in this even though she has asked her to stay. She feels her wife relax as they talk, hears the hitch in her voice and lets go of her hand to loop an arm around the blondes shoulder, kisses her temple. With Bernie pulled closer she can hear Marsha Wolfe apologising again and again at the other end of the phone and is pleased at least that she realises that she is in the wrong.

“Ok?” She asks again when Bernie hangs up the phone half an hour later and her wife turns to her with a hopeful smile,

“Yes,” she nods, squeezes the hand in her own, “We’re going to meet for coffee on Tuesday afternoon, would you, could you come with me? I don’t want to introduce her to the kids just yet but I’d like you there, even if it’s just to make sure I actually go in.”

“Of course I will,” Serena leans and kisses Bernie carefully, lingers just long enough that Bernie follows her as she pulls away, allows herself to be kissed again. “I’m proud of you darling, now how about we go and find something rubbish to watch on the TV and crack open that share bar of chocolate you’ve been hiding in the bottom of the fridge that you thought I hadn’t noticed.”

“Sounds perfect,” Bernie nuzzles their noses together and kisses her lightly, “And it wasn’t hidden,”

“There’s a pile of fruit sitting on top of it,” Serena chuckles, stands and tugs Bernie to stand with her, “come on Mrs Wolfe, you know better than to stand between me and a bar of chocolate.”

* * *

 

When Serena wakes the next morning it’s to a vision she knows sh will never tire of, Bernie had let her sleep in and had taken the kids to nursery and school, had clearly decided to run back and Serena doesn’t think she has ever made a better decision. Bernie’s cheeks are pink, her hair plastered to her face with sweat but that’s not what really draws Serena’s attention, no, her eyes are much more interested in roving over every inch of her wife hugged in skin tight Lycra, the muscles of her arms taught, Serena is almost certain she is flexing them on purpose. With everything hugged so tightly by her clothes it is easy to see the changes that Bernie’s body have gone through since the accident. While Bernie is still in good (very good) physical shape, the inactivity and the time at home has softened her somewhat, she has lost the strongly muscled leanness that is indicative of her time in active duty but when she twists just so Serena can still see the faint outline of abs through her shirt and although she has only been running again for little over a week the tone in her legs has already improved.

“My aren’t you a sight to wake up to,” she husks, pushes herself up in bed so she can take in every inch of her, she really is a post work out vision.

“I’d planned to be showered before you woke up,” Bernie says lightly, chuckles when reaching up to take the bobble from her hair causes her tshirt to ride up flashing her stomach and Serena practically growls. “Though it seems you’d rather I wouldn’t?”

“Oh definitely.” Serena smirks, pushes to her knees and moves across the bed to where Bernie is standing, grabs her wrist and tugs her closer, pushes up to kiss her and takes pleasure in Bernie’s moan as her tongue slips into her mouth. She hold her wife by her hips, her thumbs digging in just shy of her hip bones and Bernie rakes her fingers through her hair, draws her closer.

“At least let me shower,” Bernie groans when Serena’s mouth slips from hers and her lips begin to trail down her neck, “I’m sweaty and disgusting,”

“You’re glorious,” Serena growls, snaps at the throbbing pulse in her neck and slides her hands from the blondes hips, catches her top with her thumbs and draws it upwards, just enough that she can trail her mouth across her stomach, “Utterly glorious.”

“You’re biased,” Bernie chuckles and Serena fixes her with a mock glare,

“Take it all off,” she commands and Bernie’s eyes darken as she is shoved backwards slightly so that Serena can stand in front of her, “If you won’t believe my words, maybe my actions will persuade you. Sit,”by the time Bernie has stripped out of her running gear, and her underwear after a pointed look from Serena, the brunette has backed her across the room and it takes only a light shove to have her plopping down less than gracefully in the leather armchair in the corner. She hisses as the cold leather makes contact with her over heated skin and then groans as her lap is filled with Serena who begins to trail her fingers over every inch of her torso, hits every spot that she knows drives Bernie insane. Still keeping her wife on her toes Serena quickly changes tack, moves so her knees bracket Bernie’s hip and brings her mouth into play, nips and likes over her throat, her collar bones, as far as she can reach without totally contorting herself. Bernie is panting and pleading by the time she slides to her knees, nudges Bernie’s legs apart and lifts one up onto her shoulder, opening her wife up to her hungry gaze, Bernie is glistening with her want and she twists her head to bite her thigh to stop herself diving straight in, causes Bernie to groan loudly and arch into her, her fingers grasping Serena’s hair tight enough to hurt a little.

“Don’t tease me Serena, please,” she mutters and Serena relents without another thought, attacks her wife’s sex with lips and tongue, her singular purpose to drive her over the edge. By the time she brings her fingers into play Bernie is practically there, the tightening around her fingers an indication that she’s done nothing but the right thing so far. She takes the opportunity to look up, finds Bernie gazing down at her, her eyes dark and she groans into the flesh under her lips, draws an answering groan from the blonde who cups the back of her head, holds her in place.

“Oh god, Serena, I’m so close,” she whines and Serena reads her desperation, crooks her fingers just so, watches with satisfaction as Bernie’s eyes slam closed, takes her clit between her teeth, flickers the very tip with her tongue until Bernie goes rigid beneath her, her back arching away from the back of the chair. Serena rests her cheek against her still twitching thigh, strokes at her hip with her thumb while she comes back to herself, a blissed out smile on her face. As soon as her eyes open again, fixing lazily on Serena’s face, the brunette makes a show of licking her fingers clean and pushes to her feet in one fluid motion, tugging the oversized tshirt she had been wearing for bed over her head and moving backwards towards the bathroom, a distinctive sway in her step.

“I think someone mentioned something about a shower?” She suggested with an innocent smile even as she trails her fingers over her own breasts and Bernie groans, is out of the chair and across the room in the blink of an eye, has Serena pinned against the nearest wall before she can register what’s going on.

“You’re such a tease,” she growls, nips at her shoulder as she pushes her underwear down her hips, “such an incredible tease,”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t love it,” Serena smirks, gasps when she finds herself hoisted up, the only thing keeping her from falling Bernie’s torso pinning her to the wall, “Oh my, I bet you’re glad for all those exercises now,” she groans, slams her head back against the wall as Bernie enters her harshly and sets up an unrelenting rhythm.

“I’m not sure which is us is enjoying it more,” she husks against Serena’s neck and the brunette tangles her fingers in her hair, holds her head close almost encouraging her to bite and she doesn’t disappoint, brings Serena over the edge with three fingers buried in her and her teeth clamped against her trapezius muscle. It takes her several long moments to feel strong enough to lower her feet to the floor and as soon as she’s stable she wraps her arms around Bernie’s neck and leans up to kiss her, pushes their foreheads together and smiles,

“Morning,” she sighs, looks into Bernie’s bright eyes and is struck yet again by how much she loves this woman, “Think we should maybe make it to the shower this time?” 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this has taken a lot of writing but here it is. It will probably be the last chapter for at least two weeks as I am simultaneously taking my Guides to camp and moving house next week so things are more than a little mental. I'll be writing while I'm at camp but it will all be by hand so will just be a case of typing up once I get back and settled in the new house. I am hoping to get another chapter of Sabbatical written before I go away on Saturday though.
> 
> As usual thank you for all the support, you guys are a dream and I wouldn't write half as much without you.

“Bernie,” she tries, sighing when she doesn’t gain her wife’s attention, “BERNIE!”

“What?” Bernie turns to her and looks confused until Serena looks pointedly at the shredded tissue between her hands, “Oh. Sorry,”

“Come here,” Serena chides lightly, holds out her hand to draw her wife towards the edge of the bed where she has been sitting watching her pace. Bernie has been restless all day, worse since they dropped the kids off for the day and although she understands the tension, Bernie pacing and shredding anything she can get her hands on isn’t helping either of them.

“Sorry,” she sighs again when she settles beside her and Serena takes her hands between her own, strokes her fingers over her knuckles.

“It’s ok, I understand, but I don’t think all of this is making you feel better is it?”

“No, but if I stop still I feel like I might vibrate apart,” Bernie sighs and Serena can feel the tremors in her muscles, the tension she is holding herself with to try and stop the movement,

“If we had more time I would suggest you go for a run,” she offers, slips her hand over the blondes shoulder and to the back of her neck where she begins to knead the muscle lightly, “But I think we need something a little less sporty, less likely to end in the need for a shower.” The first kiss is gentle and Serena can tell that it takes Bernie by surprise though she doesn’t let that derail her plan. She leaves butterfly kisses on the blondes lips, keeps the hand massaging Bernie’s neck and uses her free hand to gently coax the other woman’s hands onto her waist. She feels Bernie relax in increments, smiles into the kiss when her wife starts to reciprocate, continues the gentle, soothing pressure on the back of her neck. When Serena eventually pulls away long minutes later, they have slipped so they are lying side by side and Bernie has a gentle smile tugging at her lips,

“Better?” She murmurs, strokes her fingers over Bernie’s cheek, down her neck,

“Better,” Bernie agrees, her eyes drifting open, her grin widening, “Thank you,”

“Any time darling, now; will we get ready?”

“We should,” Bernie huffs and Serena chuckles, soothes her thumb over her bottom lip,

“That’s the spirit, now tell me what you want me to wear.”

 

* * *

They end up leaving a little later than planned, something Serena is happy to take the blame for because she’d gotten caught up in trying to get her hair to sit just right. They had already agreed to walk to the café Bernie had chosen, a familiar setting for what was going to be an unfamiliar situation and Serena makes the decision for them despite their late departure, knows that the little bit of physical activity will help to calm her wife a little. She does have to stop Bernie out and out power walking, tugs her back with the hand held in hers so that they can walk side by side, their arms no longer stretched out between them.

“If we are late I’m sure she’ll wait for us,” She soothes, “And if not, well, if not it answers a few questions I had.”

“Sorry,” Bernie sighs, leans to kiss the side of her wife’s head, “I’m just…”

“I know,” Serena says, squeezes her hand when it’s clear that the sentence doesn’t have an end, “What’s going on in that head of yours Major?”

“I don’t even know anymore,” Bernie shrugs, “Everything, nothing, I just don’t know what to expect.”

“I don’t have an answer for that,” Serena soothes, pulling them to a halt a few doors away from the café and turning Bernie to face her, “But she wanted this just as much as you did and, whatever happens, I’ll be right there with you and once this is all over we get to go and pick our girls up from nursery,”

“I love you,” Bernie smiles and Serena steps up to her, leans up and kisses her lightly, “Thank you,”

“Any time, now come on, let’s get this show on the road.”

Marsha has, of course, arrived before them and has chosen a table right at the window, smiles the minute she spots them, Serena hears Bernie take a deep breath as they pass over the threshold, squeezes her hand and steals her towards the table that Marsha is now standing beside. There is an awkward moment where they all stand and stare at each other, no one wanting t make the first move until Serena tugs on Bernie arm and brings her to life.

“Mum,” she manages, and it’s impossible to miss the catch in her voice,

“Daring,” Marsha’s voice is rough too, the moment emotionally charged, only becoming more charged when Bernie breaks the stand off and steps forward to embrace the older woman. Serena slips away quietly to get hers and Bernie’s drinks wanting to give mother and daughter a few moments to themselves now that the initial awkwardness is over. By the time she returns to the table with their coffees Bernie and Marsha have taken their seats, Marsha gripping her wife’s hands across the table as they talk quietly. They both look up when Serena nears and Bernie’s smile is wide although she hasn’t quite relaxed and Serena leans to kiss her temple as she slides into her seat.

“Mum, this is Serena, Serena, my mother,”

“Mrs Wolfe,” Serena’s smile is genuine though she still isn’t sure of this woman who has hurt her wife so much over the years,

“Marsha, please,” the other woman smiles, accepts Serena’s hand over the table, “I’m thrilled to finally be meeting you.”

“The feelings mutual,” she offers, reaches for her coffee, “Don’t let me interrupt.”

“Bernie was just telling me about her accident, she said she was taken to your hospital.”

“She was,” Serena nods, reaches out to squeeze Bernie’s knee, still hates thinking about how close she came to losing one of the most important people in her life, “Gave us all quite a scare she did.”

“But she’s doing well? I know what my eyes tell me and I know what my daughter tells me but she was always one to run before she could walk.”

“While on a personal level I cannot abide Guy Self, on a professional level there is no denying his skill and he did an excellent job fixing Bernie up. She’s healing well, walking without her cane almost permanently now, though getting her to use it at all was a nightmare, and she even managed to get back to run in a few weeks ago didn’t you darling.”

“Only a few miles at a time so far but it’s nice to get back out there,” Bernie nods, “I’ve taken it slowly though, looked after myself and Serena has made sure I haven’t done anything stupid.”

* * *

  
Serena is surprised when she looks at her watch and finds it is almost time to pick up the Charlotte and Ellie. They’ve talked about everything and nothing, mostly the kids and Serena had watched with a smile as Bernie had proudly shared pictures of their brood, told stories of their mischief. They’ve avoided the topic of Bernie’s father, Serena isn’t even sure he knows where Marsha is, but she thinks it’s for the best, thinks they need to mend their relationship before even considering opening that can of worms.

“Sorry to interject ladies but it’s almost time to pick the girls up,”

“Oh,” Bernie says, she looks crestfallen and Serena can tell that she isn’t ready to leave just yet.

“I’ll go,” she offers, “You take as long as you need and I’ll see you at home ok?”

“You’re sure?” Bernie asks, takes both of Serena’s hands in her own, “You wouldn’t mind?”

“Of course not” she soothes, reaches out to stroke the blondes cheek, doesn’t care if they are making Marsha uncomfortable, is oddly pleased when Bernie is the one who leans in for a kiss, murmurs a ‘thank you’ against her mouth.

“I’m so glad to have finally been able to meet you,” she says and turns to Marsha, finds she means it, is pleased to find that Marsha has nothing but smiles for them despite their PDA.

“And I you,” she says, gets to her feet as Serena does and surprises the brunette by pulling her not a hug, “Thank you for looking after her, for making her happy,”

“It’s been an absolute pleasure,” she smiles, squeezes the older woman’s arm, “See you again soon yes?”

“I certainly hope so,” Marsha grins and Serena returns her own smile before returning her attention to Bernie, bends down to kiss her lightly, pushes her fringe away from her face,

“Love you darling, I’ll see you at home.”

* * *

  
She tries not to worry about Bernie on her way to pick up the girls, knows she is an adult more than capable of looking after herself, that things so far that day had gone brilliantly. She also knows though, exactly how much Bernie has been hurt by her parents actions and will always want to protect her from that happening again.

The girls prove to be a good distraction as they make the short walk to pick Cam up from school, Ellie gazing up at her with her big blue eyes from where she sits comfortably in the sling against Serena’s chest and Charlotte chattering happily about every aspect of her day.

“Where’s mumma?” Cam asks the minute he finds her in the yard and she smiles, brushes her fingers through his hair.

“She had to o something today but she’s going to see us at home, I’m afraid you’ll have to make do with your old mummy,” she offers, surprised when her sons smile widens.

“That’s ok, I love mumma but I love you too. Will you colour with me when we get home?”

“Of course darling, we’ll do your reading first though, OK?” Cam huffs dramatically but nods and Serena squeezes his shoulder. As they walk back home Serena realises how long it has been since she had to do the school run and evening routine alone, thinks that even though she’s pleased to have Bernie back she might enjoy the time alone with the kids.

* * *

  
By the time Bernie gets home Ellie and Charlotte are in bed and Cam is dozing on the sofa, his head in Serena’s lap as they watch Cars.

“Hi,” she says quietly, leans back as far as she can and accepts a kiss from her wife.

“Hi,” Bernie smiles, drops her bag at the end of the sofa, “I thought they would all be in bed.”

“He should be,” Serena admits, “But I didn’t have the heart to wake him.”

“In that case,” Bernie rounds the sofa, scoops the boy up effortlessly, “It’s ok my little prince, back to sleep,” she murmurs when he stirs. Serena leaves the blonde to put him to bed, pushes herself up and wanders to the kitchen to pour them each a glass of wine. It’s there that Bernie finds her, leant against the sink staring unseeing into the garden.

“Ok?” She asks, slips her arms around her waist and rests her chin on her shoulder,

“Never better,” Serena hums, feels at ease with her wife back at home and still looking positive, “You?”

“Same,” Bernie says, presses a kiss to Serena’s shoulder and squeezes her middle, “Do you fancy a bath?”

“Only if you plan to join me,” Serena chuckles, leans back in the embrace, “And I can bring the wine.”

“Lead the way,” Bernie laughs, releases her and Serena spins a kisses her lingeringly before wandering off in the direction of the stairs, tugs Bernie along behind her, she’s the right kind of sleepy that a bath cradled against her wife’s body might just put her to sleep but she doesn’t let that stop her, thinks there will be nothing better than falling asleep tonight warm and relaxed in her wife’s embrace. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting this chapter out has been tough, I had an idea in my head but when I tried to get it down it just wouldn't come. I don't know anything about the army but let's be honest, it's only really an excuse to get Bernie back into her uniform and add some NSFW goodness to future chapters!
> 
> I go back to work tomorrow but I'm totally in denial about it, it'll probably work out well for you guys though because as soon as I'm back at my desk the inspiration becomes unstoppable!
> 
> Thank you all for your constant support, you guys are amazing!

They meet with Marsha again two weeks later and this time they take Ellie with them, it’s not planned, Ellie is supposed to be at nursery, but she’s been teething chronically for the last few days and, after crying all of the previous day and crying herself sick the night before they decide to keep her away from nursery for the day in the hope that she might settle. She’s cranky all morning, Serena and Bernie both cranky too from a night of too little sleep.

“We should cancel,” Bernie sighs when trying to get Ellie into her clothes results in her screaming blue murder, “She’s not going to settle and we can’t give her any more Calpol for two hours.”

“She’s dressed now,” Serena says lightly, strokes her hand over the little girls stomach, “And I’m sure a cuddle with her mumma while mummy gets ready will make her feel much better.”

“My mother would understand.” Bernie offers, accepts the little girl into her arms and presses a kiss to her head,

“I’m sure she would also like to meet her youngest granddaughter, look, she’s starting to settle, she’ll probably sleep through most of it anyway.”

“Ok,” Bernie nods, bounces Ellie lightly and accepts the kiss from her wife, “I pulled you some jeans out when I got dressed, they are on the bed with your new shirt.”

“Thank you darling,” Serena says, strokes Ellie’s head, kisses Bernie again, “I won’t be long.”

* * *

  
It pays off in the end, Ellie settles before they even reach the café and, after a little nap, wakes up happy and smiling and the smile that breaks across Marsha’s face at the sight of her takes about ten years off her. They brush over the fact that Marsha cries the first time she holds the baby, Serena knows that Bernie got her fear of emotions from somewhere, wouldn’t point out if her wife was crying so automatically ignores it with her mother and it passes quickly enough that it’s easily ignored.

Much of the conversation is taken up by Ellie who happily sits on Masha’s knee, shares the food on her plate and babbles happily, she’s like a totally different child to even three hours before but Serena is glad, hates to see her children in pain or uncomfortable. They talk about Cam and Charlotte too, Marsha wants to know everything there is to know about all three grandchildren, apologises for and laments missing out on so much of their lives over and over again until Bernie tells her to stop, decides it’s time to draw a line under it all and start again, start anew. Serena happily shares pictures and videos from her phone, enjoys being able to share stories of what their children get up to, doesn’t think, even when they are in their thirties and have (hopefully) their own children, that she will get bored of it. In return Marsha shares stories about Bernie that Serena has never heard and she thrills in the new knowledge and the blush that paints her wife’s face, she hadn’t realised that she had missed this, hearing about her younger wife, her exploits, building an image of why she was the way she was, Marsha promises to bring some photographs the next time and Bernie groans, hides behind her fringe as Serena and her mother continue to talk about her.

* * *

 

When Bernie takes Ellie to change her nappy and Serena is left alone with her mother in law Marsha’s face turns serious and Serena swallows heavily, isn’t quite sure what she is in for.

“I want to thank you Serena,” Marsha starts and she manages to relax a little,

“Marsha honestly…”

“No, Serena please, hear me out.” Marsha pleads and Serena nods, allows her to continue, “I want to thank you, for being there for Bernie while I was being so stupid and, thank you for being willing to give me a chance even after all these years. I know I have a lot of making up to do but I really hope that we can move forward from all of this, be a family?” The hope in Marsha’s face is slightly heartbreaking and Serena reaches for her hand across the table and squeezes it lightly.

“Bernie is a fabulous, intelligent, loving woman and some of that is down to you, it’s been an honour to spend my life so far with her and to build a family with her and I look forward to you being a part of that family now too. I could never understand how difficult it was for you, siding with your husband while he drove your only child away but I do understand why you felt that was what you needed to do.”

“I was so stupid,” Marsha sighs, rubs her free hand across her face, “What if she’d died out there? I never would have been able to make it up to her.”

“But she didn’t,” Serena soothes, “And for better or worse she won’t see active service again, we can focus on making up for lost time. I think next time we see you you should meet Cam and Charlie, I know they’d love to meet you.”

“They know who I am?”

“Of course they do, they ask questions and they like to know who is in all of the photos in the house, no matter what has happened in the past your wedding photo has been a part of every home we’ve lived in, even as students.” Their conversation is interrupted there by Bernie’s return, Ellie balanced on her hip, chewing on a teething ring.

“Everything ok?” She asks, looks between both women and their joined hands with a furrowed brow as she lowers herself into her seat,

“Fine,” Serena smiles, releases Marsha’s hand with a final squeeze and reaches over to push Bernie’s hair out of her eyes, “I was just suggesting to your mum that next time we meet we should bring the other two along and introduce them.”

“Definitely,” Bernie beams and Serena offers her a smile, “Maybe even come and see the house?”

* * *

  
When they leave they make plans for the next time, a Sunday afternoon at the house so all of the kids will be home, they all share hugs no Serena allows Marsha to squeeze her a little tighter than she’s used to before they go their separate ways, Marsha back to her car to make the long drive home and Serena and Bernie towards the nursery to pick up Charlotte.

“I might have some news,” Bernie says after they’ve walked in silence for a while, “I checked my emails when I changed Ellie and I had one about a possible job.”

“Oh?” Serena prompts, offers her wife an encouraging smile, leans against her as they walk, “I didn’t know you’d started looking.”

“I hadn’t, not really,” Bernie shrugs, keeps one hand on the pram and loops the other around Serena’s shoulder, “But I’d been talking to an old commanding officer who is working out of Holby these days and he mentioned a possible job going with him.”

“But they’ve medically retired you, haven’t they?” Serena’s heart drops at even the thought of Bernie returning to the army, she had been sure they were done with goodbyes.

“From active duty yes,” Bernie nods, “But, pending a physical, I could still work in training or in a more office based job.”

“I can’t see you stuck behind a desk darling.”

“No, me either, but there might be space for me to train some recruits, basic medical training, that kind of thing. I’d be based in Holby and it would be highly unlikely that there would be any travel involved, definitely nothing outside of the U.K.”

“Sounds like you’ve pretty much made up you mind,” Serena says, doesn’t know why she’s being such a downer, it does sound like the perfect job for Bernie, an environment she thrives in doing something she loves, “What would the hours be like?”

“I’d never make a decision without speaking to you darling and if you weren’t happy I’d find something else.” Bernie says gently, tucks her wife against her as they stand and wait for Charlotte to come out, “and I spoke to him, explained what I was looking for and he has said I can pretty much make my own hours so I’d be able to drop the kids off in the morning and pick them up at night and I wouldn’t have to work any weekends.”

“Sounds perfect, you should go for it,”

“Do you want to repeat that like you mean it,” Bernie chuckles, presses a kiss to Serena’s head as Charlotte comes out and bounds towards them once the teacher gives her the OK, “We’ll talk about it some more later, no rush.”

* * *

  
Serena dwells on it all night, all through dinner with the kids and their none stop chattering, through Ellie’s bath time and Charlotte’s bed time story, she barely registers when Bernie slides into the shower behind her, settles back against her body but remains lost in thought.

“I can say no,” Bernie murmurs later when they are lying in bed, both flat on their back, an unusual space between them, “I can get a locum job if you’d be more comfortable with it.”

“No,” Serena sighs, shakes her head, she knows she’s being ridiculous, knows that Bernie will be as safe doing the proposed training job as she would be in a hospital, maybe even more so, “No, it really does sound like the perfect position for you, doing both of the things you love. I’m sorry, I think I just heard ‘army’ and shut down a little bit.”

“It’s ok, I understand,” Bernie flips onto her side, reaches a hand out to smooth over Serena’s shoulder and the brunette shuffles slightly closer, “But it’s perfectly safe, no combat, all medical based training with new recruits and refreshers with soldiers between tours.”

“And you’ll be based in Holby permanently?”

“That was one of my stipulations, if I have to go elsewhere it will only be overnight, nothing longer and probably not much further than London.”

“I think you should go for it,” Serena rolls so she’s facing her wife, offers her a smile, shuffles closer so their bodies are flush,

“You’re sure? Because if you’re not I honestly don’t mind looking for something else.”

“No, I’m sure.” Serena kisses her lightly, “Will you…will you um, have to wear the uniform?”

“Why?” Bernie chuckles, slides her hand from her shoulder and across her chest, “Would that be a big selling point?”

“Oh I don’t know,” Serena says, fakes shy, “I can’t pretend I haven’t always loved you in camo.”

“Then yes,” Bernie pulls her closer till their hips are flush, leans down to kiss her slowly, thoroughly, “I will have to get back into my uniform. Let’s explore how you feel about that.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say about this other than that it is what it is...

The day before Marsha’s visit Serena finds herself between night shifts trying to get the house to an acceptable level of tidy while keeping an eye on Charlotte who seems intent on pulling out every toy about five seconds after Serena has put it away. Bernie has taken the other two to the supermarket for the makings of a Sunday dinner and a cake which Cam has insisted he wants to make, Serena only agreeing when Bernie swears she will make sure the mess is fully cleared up.

Once downstairs is passable, she’s decided that she can just close all of the upstairs doors if she needs to, Serena collapses onto the sofa and rubs at her face, she’s exhausted in a way that only a run of nights can make her and isn’t quite sure how she’s going to survive the final night.

“Mummy?” Charlotte asks, scrambles onto the sofa beside her and crawls into her lap,

“Yes sweetheart?”

“You work tonight?”

“I am darling,” she murmurs, strokes unruly blonde hair away from the little girls face, chuckles lightly at her pout,

“But I miss you!”

“And I miss you too darling, but tonight’s the last time for a little while,” she promised, her aim was to make senior consultant, to have power over the rota and avoid nightshifts as much as possible because she truly hated how much she missed out on because of them. “How about we have a little nap together now to make up for it?”

* * *

  
Serena doesn’t wake until the front door closes and the hall is filled with the sound of the rest of her family. She doesn’t try to move, stretches her back out slightly but tries not to wake Charlotte who is still curled against her stomach, her thumb firmly in her mouth. She smiles when Bernie and Ellie’s faces appear over the back of the sofa,

“Hi,” she smiles, holds her arms out for the baby, kisses her head and cradles her against her chest, “Everything sorted?”

“Yes, though I’d better go and make sure Cam isn’t breaking the eggs in there,” Bernie smiles, leans down to kiss Serena’s forehead, “Then is there room for at least one more down there?”

“I’m sure we can make room, hurry back yeah?”

All five of them end up curled on the sofa together, Serena with her head in Bernie’s lap with Ellie curled on her chest, Charlotte tucked along her side between her body and the back of the sofa and Cam on Bernie’s other side, tucked under her arm. They let the kids choose a film, pleased when Cam and Charlotte manage to agree without killing each other, settle down for a peaceful afternoon. Serena quickly feels herself drifting off, she’s warm and comfortable and her wife’s fingers are massaging expertly over her scalp so she doesn’t resist the pull, doesn’t fully fall asleep but drifts in the liminal space between asleep and awake, is aware enough to allow Ellie to wriggle free when she wants to and move to lie with her sister which makes things less comfortable but means Serena can flip onto her side so she’s spooned around them both her face pressed into Bernie’s stomach.

“OK?” The blonde murmurs once she’s settled, slips her hand down to massage the base of her skull and Serena groans, presses her face further into the fabric of her wife’s jumper,

“Perfect,” she mutters, lets sleep take her a little longer, know she should probably be thinking about starting to get sorted but promises herself she’ll do it in a minute, just one more minute.

* * *

  
It’s both a blessing and a curse when her phone rings calling her back to the hospital, a blessing because it wakes both her and Bernie up and she might have ended up late otherwise, a curse because it’s two and a half hours before her shift was due to start which might not sound like much but feels like a mountain when she’s so tired. There’s been a multiple car pile up and the a calling everyone in so she doesn’t bother to change, knows she’ll be putting on scrubs the minute she gets there, kisses her family goodnight and grabs a banana from the fruit bowl on her way out of the door. She thrills slightly when Bernie corners her in the hall, stokes her face, kisses her lightly, tells her she loves her then makes her promise to stay safe, together something to eat at the hospital. It’s a little thing really but something else that reminds Serena that Bernie is home for good now, that she doesn’t have to crave those little moments for months on end anymore because they are constantly within her reach.

She beats the first ambulance to the hospital by minutes, has time to throw on some scrubs before the first patient is wheeled through the doors and everything goes a little bit to hell. The department is in chaos, the usual Saturday night A&E crowd along with over thirty patients from the accident, at last half of which are in need of immediate critical care.

It’s midnight before she has the chance to stop and take stock, to drink a cup of coffee and raid the staff room biscuit tin for something to eat because the canteen is long past closed. Yet again she feels like she has lost more patients than she has saved, not true at all, but of those she couldn’t save, two were children and she knows that will never stop feeling like a punch in the gut. Sinking down into one of the more comfortable chairs she pulls her phone from her pocket, resists the urge to call home, the children will all be asleep, Bernie should be asleep too and she doesn’t want to disturb them, a light sob catches in her throat when she opens her messages from Bernie and find a picture in amongst he texts. The kids are all clean and smiling in their pyjamas, crowded around Bernie in their bed, the text underneath simply reads ‘we love you mummy’ and she wishes with everything she is that she was there with them, stares at the picture for the whole of her fifteen minute break and goes back out into the ED with a renewed energy and the knowledge that once this shift is done she has fur days off to spend with her family before Bernie starts working again too.

* * *

  
By the time she falls through the front door any energy she had is well and truly gone though she can’t help smile at the sounds of ear family eating breakfast as she shrugs out of her coat and kicks off her shoes, she’s wearing a fresh pair of scrubs, her own in a plastic bag in the top of the wheels bin, the unfortunate collaterals of checking on a patient just before she left who was then sick on her. Deciding she doesn’t fancy doing the stairs twice she heads in the direction of the kitchen, grins when a coffee is immediately pushed into her hand and gives a shake of the head to Bernie’s questioning eyebrow over her scrubs and says good morning to all three kids before letting herself be pushed down into a chair with a plate of French Toast dropped down in front of her. She mostly lets the conversation float around her, is desperate for her bed but also wouldn’t want to miss these precious moments with her family either.

“Mummy, I come lie down with you?” Charlotte asks when it’s time for her to head up to bed and she smiles at her daughter who is rubbing at her eyes tiredly, scoops her up and balances her on her hip, “Of course sweetheart,”

“You behave yourself darling, mummy’s very tired ok,” Bernie says and Serena smiles softly at her over their daughters head,

“I will mumma promise.”

She manages to get them both up the stairs and into bed without any mishaps, doesn’t bother to change out of the scrubs because she only wore them to come home in. The bed isn’t made, has very clearly slept four and not just Berneie but she doesn’t have it in herself to care, lowers her tired body under the sheets, tugs her daughter lose against her and quickly drifts off to sleep, heavy ad exhausted.

* * *

  
When she wakes up she isn’t surprised to find that she’s alone and she takes a minute to stretch out her back, her eyes still half closed before she rolls towards her bedside table and grabs for her phone, expects to have time to check her emails and maybe check the news before she needs to shower, nearly trips over herself flying out of bed when she realises that’s it’s well past lunch time, that she should have been up two hours ago, that Marsha will be arriving any second assuming she hasn’t arrived already. She doesn’t even consider not having a shower, wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t still smell a little like sick, knows that her hair will be sticking up on end in a way that only washing it would fix. She’s as quick as she can be but still, when she is out of the shower and dressed my, she knows that Marsha will already be there, takes one look in the mirror and sighs, she looks exhausted, the rings under her eyes heavy and dark and she dabs concealer over them, knocks herself down from exhausted to simply tired. It’ll have to do, she thinks, slips her feet into her boots and heads out onto the landing. The house smells like Sunday dinner and she’s pleased at least that they won’t have to wait hours to eat, tries not to be too concerned about how the kitchen might look since Bernie has been the one to cook, really she should just be pleased she wasn’t woken by the smoke alarm.

She can hear giggling coming from the living room as she comes down the stairs and smiles, is pleased that it sounds like Marsha and the kids are getting on. Her belief is proven when she rounds the door, lingers to watch the scene in front of her and pulls out her phone to snap some pictures. Marsha is sat on the floor with all three kids around her, it’s a mystery to Serena what they are playing but they are all having fun. Quietly she slides into the seat beside her wife, kisses her shoulder, snuggles in when Bernie doesn’t take her eyes off what’s going on on the floor, a stupid grin on her face.

“You were supposed to wake me up,” she murmurs, watches Charlotte shyly approach Marsha for a hug, “about two hours ago.”

“You needed the sleep,” Bernie kisses the top of her head briefly, “and we were OK, we even managed to sort out dinner without burning the place down, do you want coffee?”

“I’ll wait, lets not disturb them, first meeting go ok?” She feels a little guilty that she missed the older two meeting Marsha for the first time but wonders if it wasn’t right for it to be Bernie’s moment,

“Lottie was a little unsure at first but once she saw that Cam was happy enough she settled,”

“Good,” Serena sighs, settles further into her wife, sighs again when Bernie’s arm settles around her shoulder and squeezes lightly, “don’t let me fall asleep again.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written so much angst recently that I thought I'd return to this for some family fluff and some adult fluff too! I also realised it had nearly been two months since I had posted an update and I didn't think that was acceptable!
> 
> I'm on the Christmas countdown now so if anyone has any Christmas prompts they fancy reading throw them in my general direction and I'll do my best.
> 
> Thanks as always for all of the support, the kudos and the comments and if you want to throw encouragement or abuse at me head over to my twitter (@libbysmith_reed)!

Of course she falls asleep, there’s no doubt she would really, and before she knows it she’s being woken up because dinner is ready. She feels groggy, like she’s napped too little or too much she isn’t sure and she lets herself be pulled to her feet, almost loses her footing when Charlotte barrels into her legs for a hug.

“Hey Charlie girl,” she smiles, strokes the hair out of the girls face, it’s evident that Bernie got them dressed that morning, “Have you had a good day?”

“Yuhuh, I like Grams.” Charlotte nods and Serena grins, knows that their middle child is the hardest to win over, is a little shy like her mumma, “She’s funny like mumma!”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Marsha chuckles, pulls Serena into a hug of greeting, “You should have said that you were on nights and we could have rescheduled.”

“To be honest I didn’t expect to be this wiped out,” she shrugs, “I work nightshift so rarely that I forget how exhausted I can get when I hit the end of a run.”

They settle down to eat and Serena is amazed that Bernie has managed to get everything cooked so that it's ready all at the same time. The chicken is a touch dry but it isn't raw and it isn't burnt which is the best she has come to hope for from her wife and the veg is all perfect.

“This is wonderful Bernie,” Marsha enthuses and Serena can only agree with her, “You never took much interest in cooking as a girl, where did you learn?”

“Yeah Bernie, where did you learn?” Serena smirks and turns to Marsha, talks in a stage whisper, her mouth shielded behind her hand, “The last time she cooked a chicken she set it on fire.”

“The firemen came!” Cam grins at the memory although she knows the smile is for the real fire engine he got to see and not for the very real fire that charred half of their kitchen.

“Doesn't surprise me in the slightest,” Marsha chuckles, “You always were too easily distracted.”

* * *

 

After dinner Serena finds herself shoved back into the living room with the kids while Bernie and Marsha stack the dishwasher. Cam and Charlotte are happy to settle on the floor in front of a film But Ellie is grizzly so Serena cradles her to her chest and walks up and down behind the sofa to try and settle her, it's probably a good thing really because at least it means she can't fall asleep again, something she knows she could do easily because she is warm and comfortable and full of food.

It comes as little surprise to her that Ellie doesn't settle properly until Bernie comes through and takes over, cradles her close to her chest and murmurs soothing words against the top of her head. The relationship they have built in the time since Bernie came home is unbreakable and Serena can see that they soothe each other. It thrills her that her wife has been able to foster such a relationship with their youngest especially when they has so little time to bond when Ellie was born before Bernie was shipped back out to the desert and she has no doubt that Ellie will always be her mumma's little princess.

“She's good with her,” Marsha says, drawing Serena from her thoughts with a slight nudge to the shoulder. She looks over to where Bernie is rocking their youngest to sleep and smiles.

“She is,” she turns her broad grin on the older woman, “She's brilliant with all of them but she's got a special bond with Ellie. I get the feeling I'm going to have to keep my eye on them in the years to come.”

“Bernie and her father were like that, always getting up to mischief, always getting each other into trouble.” Marsha says sadly, “I wish her would swallow his pride, at least try, he has no idea what he's missing out on.”

“I'm not sure Bernie could forgive him now,” she sees no point in lying, knows what she is saying is true even though her wife probably wouldn't acknowledge it. “Does he know you're here? Seeing Bernie I mean.” it's something she's always been curious of, how much Marsha told her husband about the contact she had with their daughter.

“Oh he knows,” Marsha sighs, accepts a sleepy Charlotte into her lap easily, kisses the top of her head, “I never kept it from him, all he has to do is go into my study to see that I'm not cowering anymore, there are pictures from your wedding, pictures of the kids in there. He's had his opportunities too and I gave him the option, when Bernie had the accident, but he's a stubborn old man. I let him dictate my relationship with all of you for too long and all it gave me was a strained relationship with my only child and a strained relationship with my husband. There's not much I can do about him, I resent him too much now, but I can fix this, with Bernie, with you and the kids. I should never have let it get this far.”

“I think Bernie understands your position.” Serena says lightly, Bernie in fact understands her mothers position far more than Serena ever has though that probably has something to do with the fact the brunette has never had the pleasure of meeting her father in law, “And we are both just happy to have you in our lives now.”

“I'm sorry it took what it did to realise what I was missing.”

“You're here now,” Serena offers with a smile, “And there are plenty more memories to make, plenty more for you to be a part of.”

* * *

 

By the time Marsha leaves the kids are exhausted and by the time they are finished with Charlotte's bath the little girl is practically asleep. Serena sends Bernie to make sure Cam has had his shower and gotten himself dressed for bed, dresses Charlotte herself and then tucks her into bed. They switch over in the hall, Bernie going into Charlotte's room to press a kiss to her head, Serena doing the same with Cam. They meet again in the hall and go into Ellie's room together, take turns to kiss her goodnight, to murmur 'I love you's'. They back out of the door quietly, Bernie flicking on the night light as they go, pulling the door half closed.

“Wine?” she offers and Serena can feel her face stretch into a grin.

“You know me so well,” she murmurs, leans up to press a kiss to Bernie's cheek, “Lead on my love,” Bernie takes her hand and guides her carefully down the stairs, into the living room where she pushes her down onto the sofa, presses a kiss to her forehead.

“Get comfy,” Bernie says, pulls the large footstool across so its pushed up against the sofa, takes the throw off the back of the armchair. “I'll get the wine.”

By the time her wife comes back Serena has done what she was told, the footstool supporting her legs and the throw tucked under her arms, covering her all the way to where her fluffy socked feet are sticking out of the end. When Bernie rounds the door juggling a bottle of wine, two glasses and a family size bar of chocolate she looks up at her, a blissed out smile on her face, so comfortable and warm that she is drifting just on the right side of sleep again.

“Room under there for a little one?” Bernie asks and she doesn't hesitate in holding back the throw, accepts her glass of wine with a smile,

“Only because you brought wine and chocolate.” she chuckles, curls into Bernie's body the minute she is settled beside her.

“I know my audience,” Bernie loops her arm around the brunette's shoulder, presses a kiss to her temple, “How are you feeling?”

“Tired, but nothing a full nights sleep wont fix.” she shrugs, rubs her face against Bernie's shoulder, presses a kiss to the skin, “I'm just glad to be spending the night at home.”

They sit in silence for a while and drink their wine, don't even bother to turn on the tv, just enjoy the peace after a day with a noisy house. Serena is looking forward to a few days off with her wife and evenings that both of them can spend with the children before they embark on the next adventure, Bernie going back to work. It's going to be a culture shock, different from Bernie going away for months at a time but a little similar too, means Bernie wont always be there before work and after work like she has gotten used to and they wont always share their days off but she knows that on the whole it will be good for them all but especially good for Bernie, knows her wife will thrive on the new challenge.

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” Bernie asks after a while, once she's discarded her glass of wine, her now free hand shifting to brush over Serena's side in gentle circles.

“I don't mind,” Serena shrugs, arches slightly into the contact, much missed after days sleeping in an empty bed and nights working on an empty ward, “Though I think we could do with getting a food shop in. Did you have anything in mind?”

“A few things, think you can bear to be surprised?”

“Since it's you doing the surprising,” Serena smiles, pushes her body even further into her wife as her hand slips under the hem of her oversized shirt and strokes over her side, still light and teasing. Bernie has shifted so she is practically cradled against the blonde's front in a way that should probably be uncomfortable but in reality is anything but. “I did think we could take the kids out one night.”

“Already planned,” Bernie murmurs before she lowers her lips to the side of her neck and Serena groans, tips her head back so it's resting on Bernie's shoulder, gives her wife access to the full length of her throat.

It's long moments of gentle caresses and kisses before Serena realises that the blonde is beginning to squirm uncomfortably, clears the fog enough to take into account their position, how uncomfortable it must be on Bernie's back.

“We should move so you're more comfortable,” she says gently, lays her hand over Bernie's where it sits under her shirt to pause it's movements.

“But you feel so good.” Bernie grumbles, barely lets up with her kisses and Serena chuckles, has to put distance between them and it's only then that she can see exactly how much the blonde is twisted.

“But you won't feel good if you stay in that position any longer. Come on, move.” Bernie grumbles but manouvers herself so she is sitting upright, pats at Serena until she moves out of her way and then gets herself comfortable, back supported by the sofa, legs stretched out on the foot stool. Once she's sure she's comfortable, that this position will work, she pats the sofa between her knees, helps Serena get comfortable reclined against her chest and pulls the throw blanket over both of them.

“Mmph, this is better,” Bernie murmurs, her lips finding the skin of Serena's neck again and she tips her head back against her shoulder, twists her head to kiss her wife's cheek.

“I agree,” she smiles, smoothes her palms over Bernie's knees, grips at her thighs as her hands slip back under her shirt and return to her skin. It's slow and gentle, almost sleepy and Serena is comfortable just drifting on the feeling of her wife's hand and lips on her skin.

“I've missed you,” Bernie says against the side of her head and Serena knows the feeling, knows they have seen each other in the last few days but haven't really has the time just for them when they weren't sleeping, “I'm so glad we have the next few days.”

By the time Bernie's hand slips past the waistband of her sweatpants Serena is soaked, surprised with the ease that her wife's fingers glide over her, by how sensitive she is. She knows it isn't going to take long, knows when Bernie's fingertips start playing over her clit that she is going to cum embarrassingly quickly but theirs not a whole lot she can do to stop it, she's warm and loved and her body is tired, it really can't fight the wave. When it happens it's gentle and quiet and she snuggles down into Bernie's body, turns on her side slightly, closes her eyes, doesn't complain when she feels the other woman wipe her hands on her hip, hums when strong arms wrap around her and a kiss is laid against the top of her head.

“Love you darling,” Bernie says against her hair and Serena just rubs her face against the front of her shirt, gets herself as close to her wife as she possibly can, “Do you want to head up to bed?” she knows she should but in the moment she doesn't want to move, lets her eyes drift shut and lets out a long, contented sigh.

“Just five minutes darling. I love you.”

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter is a little disjointed but it's pretty much just filler to get to some lovely adult time at the hotel in the next chapter! I'm also slightly pleased with myself because this is a (mostly) angst free chapter and that's not something I usually manage. 
> 
> As always thank you for all the support, the comments, the kudos, the general encouragement and all the prompts you throw my way that keep me inspired. Please don't stop that part, the list is huge but honestly the ideas keep me going!

Serena rolls over on a stretch, feels the pull in every bit of her body, wiggles her toes still in their fluffy socked prison. She doesn’t open her eyes, basks in the feeling of teetering on the edge of sleep of warm and well rested and at the beginning of her days off. The house is quiet but she doesn’t worry about it, was vaguely aware of Bernie’s alarm going off and of her wife rolling out of bed and kissing her forehead and undetermined amount of time earlier trusts that the blonde has control of the school run situation.

In the end it’s her bladder that propels her out of bed but still only as far as the bathroom, the slight chill that still clings to the house enough to have her quickly burrowing back under the covers. Knowing she doesn’t need to go back to sleep she reaches for her mobile from the bedside table, makes herself comfortable in a pile of pillows while she waits for it to power on. It’s an unexpected perk of having her wife home, one of the many little things she notices every day and swears not to take for granted now that Bernie is back for good, being able to switch her mobile fully off some nights without the anxiety that she might miss something urgent. There’s a message waiting for her and her email pings a few times to let her know she has mail waiting but she ignores that in favour of reading her texts from Bernie, grins when she opens the photo attachment to a picture of the four of them in the car, all grinning, captioned ‘we love you mummy xx’. She saves the picture to the phone and then reads the text from Bernie, a quick message telling her she would be back by 9:30 and not to worry about breakfast. She checks the time, notes that it’s a little after nine and is happy to waste some time in bed until Bernie gets home. She’d love to say that she fills the time reading the news, catching up with the world or at least checking her emails but in truth she plays on candy crush until she hears the door downstairs and only then does she push herself out of bed. She pulls on a pair of jeans and a tshirt that could quite easily be hers or Bernie’s then finds Bernie’s training hoody under a pile of clean clothes and zips that over the top.

She follows the sound of Bernie moving around to the kitchen, leans in the doorway and watches her wife putter about the room unpacking the shopping she has taken it upon herself to pick up and her heart swells with it, the knowledge of what this woman is willing to do to give her the most relaxing day off she can.

“Hi,” Bernie grins when she turns to put something away and catches sight of the brunette stood in the doorway, her face is flushed from the cold, her hair in a messy ponytail, she’s dragged on a pair of jeans and a sweater and the mid morning light catches her through the window and she looks so beautiful, so unguarded, that Serena heart thumps a little painfully in her chest.

“Hi,” she smiles in return, moves so she can drape her arms over her wife’s shoulders, presses up onto her toes to kiss her gently, “thank you for the lie in.”

“No more than you deserve,” Bernie shrugs, “I bought breakfast and coffee,” Serena follows the inclined head to the kitchen table where a steaming take out cup of coffee sits beside a plate of croissants and smiles

“Pastry ey?”

“Purely medicinal, honestly.” Bernie nudges, her grin wide and Serena can’t help kissing her again. “You sit and eat, drink your coffee, while I finish up with this lot.”

She doesn’t need to be told twice, folds herself into the chair and watches Bernie move as she sips her coffee, tears chunks from her pastry, watches the stretch and pull as her wife reaches to put things on the higher shelves, the way her tshirt rides up to show off that tantalising strip of skin at the base of her spine.

“Kids ok this morning?” She asks once she’s finished her croissant, while she’s toying with the idea of eating the second.

“Fine,” Bernie pushes herself up onto the bench once she’s done, reaches for her own take out cup, “they’ve decided on a plan for tonight if that’s ok?”

“Of course,” Serena can think of nothing better than spending the night with her whole family together, “and you managed to get them to agree on something?”

“Cam and Charlotte yes, and Ellie screeched and clapped her hands so I took that as her approval.” Bernie chuckles and Serena pushes herself up and closes the gap between them, widens the distance between herself and the temptation of more pastry. She pats the inside of Bernie’s knee to make space between them and steps into it, rests her hands on her thighs, “Cam wanted to go to the cinema but when I pointed out that Ellie wasn’t quite old enough yet we all agreed that we would go for something to eat then we’d take them to buy a new DVD and come home and watch it all together in our bed.”

“Sounds perfect,” she doesn’t think she could have planned it better herself, “and what about today? What do you have planned for us since you’ve done the food shop already?”

* * *

  
They spend the day lazily and it’s perfect. Bernie takes Serena out for lunch at one of her favourite cafes and they take a slow walk through the park but aside from that they spend their time curled together on the sofa, the tv on in the background while they talk about everything and nothing, vaguely start to make plans for Ellie’s first birthday.

When it comes time to pick the kids up Bernie forces her into the passenger seat, refuses to let her drive and so she sits sideways on in her seat unable to stop herself watching her wife with a small smile on her face.

Charlotte is so thrilled to see her when they pick her and Ellie up from nursery that she insists that Serena sit with her in the back of the car so she ends up wedged between Ellie’s car seat and Charlotte’s booster, both of her daughters thrilled to have her there. Charlotte gives a blow by blow account of her day while Ellie babbles and coos happily on the other side of her between trying to wedge her feet in her mouth.

“Ba!” She shouts when they park up next to the school and Bernie is ready to climb out and get Cam.

“What!” She enthuses, turning so she’s kneeling on the seat and tickling the babies tummy.

“Baba!”

“You want to come with mumma to get Cammy?”

“BA!” Ellie shrieks, clapping her hands and Serena chuckles.

“I think that’s a yes,” she grins, watches Bernie climb out of the car and open the back door to scoop ellie out of her car seat, blow a raspberry on her cheek, Still amazed at the relationship they’ve forged between themselves.

Charlotte has climbed into her lap by the time she spots Bernie, Ellie and Cam crossing the road, frowns as they get closer and she can see that Cam is tucked into his mumma’s side, face sad and totally silent, Bernie’s arm around his shoulder.

“Charlie girl, get back into your seat,” she says, gently kisses the girls forehead but keeps her eye on the others, watches Bernie kiss the top of Cam’s head and whispers something to him that only pulls the tiniest smile before he’s climbing into the front seat and Bernie has pulled the back door open to wrestle a very excitable Ellie back into her car seat.

“Everything ok?” She asks quietly and Bernie shakes her head minutely,

“Later?”

“Bernie” there’s a note of warning in her voice and Bernie reaches to cup her cheek briefly, smiles reassuringly.

“Trust me, ok?” She tries and the reassurance only goes part way to allaying Serena’s concerns but she knows when she’s beat and simply gives a tiny nod, makes sure Charlotte is properly clipped in while Bernie climbs back into the drivers seat.

Cam is quiet for most of the drive out to the shopping centre though by the time they reach the multi storey he has joined in with the conversation about where they might go for tea. Of course this is the point where they struggle to agree, Charlotte wants chicken nuggets, because it’s the only food group she’s interested in at the moment, and Cam wants pizza which Serena is inclined to agree with because at least with that option she can get a bowl of pasta and a salad instead of a McDonald’s happy meal, but she leaves Bernie to it, thinks this was her idea and she can deal with the decision making.

“Tell you what,” Bernie says when they’ve pulled into a parking space and she can twist to face her family, “how about we have Cam’s choice of food and then Lottie you can pick the film and then next time we can do it the other way.”

“Soooooo next time I get chicken nuggets?” Charlotte asks and Serena chuckles, has to put her hand over her mouth when Bernie nods and their daughter cave with a smile, “Ok then.”

* * *

  
“Smooth move major,” she murmurs when they have all of the kids out of the car and sorted. Bernie is pushing the pram with Charlotte on the ride on board between her arms and Cam is walking at Serena’s side, not wanting to hold his mummy’s hand but happy to let her rest her hand between his shoulder blades.

“Well I figured I’d save you from a happy meal tea after a week of eating at the hospital.”

“Well your efforts are much appreciated.”

“You’ve seen nothing yet darling,” Bernie drawls and Serena huffs out a laugh, elbows her in the ribs, there’s a twinkle in her eye that has no place on a family night.

“Behave yourself,” she says, kisses Bernie’s shoulder, “at least until we get this lot to bed later.”

Tea is a mess of chatter, whatever was bothering Cam seems to have left him for now while he tells them a joke he heard one of the other boys tell, its something Serena has heard about a hundred times before, not something she feels is particularly funny but her sons giggles are infectious and soon she’s laughing along with the rest of her family. Bernie’s attention is split between the table and making sure Ellie is eating her pasta and not throwing it on the floor and so Serena’s attention is split too, between their eldest children and watching her wife interact with their baby girl. Again she is struck by the knowledge that this is for keeps now, that she doesn’t have to drop Bernie off at the airport in the morning, doesn’t have to wave her off on a flight with a brave face not knowing if she’ll actually see her again. She’s not sure when this will stop being a realisation she reaches, isn’t sure she’ll ever stop being surprised that Bernie is home now and there’s no more goodbyes, hopes she’ll brevet really forget, that she’ll never take it for granted.

“What?” Bernie asks quietly when she catches her staring and she feels her cheeks heat a little in embarrassment at being caught staring.

“Nothing,” she shrugs, smiles and squeezes Bernie’s hand gently, turns back to the kids, smiles wider when Bernie doesn’t let her hand go even when it makes eating her spaghetti a little difficult.

* * *

  
They are headed towards HMV when Charlotte spots Build a Bear and Serena sees her eyes light up, knows what is coming and knows that Bernie won’t be able to say no to Charlotte and in turn she won’t be able to say no to Bernie. So, it’s about an hour later than they planned that they are all finally tucked into bed together ready to watch The Princess and the Frog, Cam with his bear dressed as a surgeon, Charlotte with her elephant ballerina and Ellie with the horn of her new unicorn clutched in her fist.

It’s no surprise that the kids drop off slowly after about thirty minutes of watching, even ellie drifting off to sleep curled into her mumma’s chest after sleepily babbling along to the music for a while.

“He’d had a bit of a run in with some boys at play time,” Bernie says eventually and Serena looks over, finds the other woman stroking her fingers through the boys hair, a worried look on her face. Serena had all but forgotten there had been a problem mostly because Cam had bounced right back buts it’s obvious Bernie had been stewing over it all evening.

“Why don’t we get them all to bed and then we can talk?” She suggests but Bernie’s eyes widen,

“Shit, I was supposed to help them pack their bags.” She jitters and Serena frowns in surprise

“Planning a trip?” She prompts, surprised when Bernie blushes and turns shy, “Bernie?”

“The kids are staying with your mum tomorrow night and I’ve booked us a room at a hotel. It was supposed to be a surprise.”

“Oh darling,” Serena sighs, reaches to stroke her wife’s cheek and smiles and then her eyes darken with a thought, “how about you pack their bags while I sort breakfast in the morning and then while you take them to school I’ll pack ours hmmm?”

“Ours is already packed and in the boot,” Bernie smirks, “but feel free to make your own additions if you check your drawers and feel I’ve been remiss in any areas.”

They wake Cam up enough to get to bed under his own steam and he hugs them both goodnight before stumbling along the hall to bed, Serena tries not to worry about the way Bernie appears to cling to him a little longer and a little tighter, knows that she will get her answer soon enough. They take one of the girls each and by the time Serena closes the bedroom door behind them Bernie is back under the covers, the baby monitor flashing steadily on her bedside table.

“What happened?” She asks as she readies herself for bed and she hears Bernie sigh, gives her the space to process.

“Two of the boys in his class have been making comments about him having two mums, it’s upset him. He asked me if he was weird.” Serena wishes she was surprised, wishes this was the first time, her resignation must show on her face, “you don’t seem surprised.”

“It’s not the first time,” she sighs and drops herself down so she’s facing her wife, “it crops up every now and again.”

“You never mentioned it before,” there’s no accusation in Bernie’s tone but she still feels guilty all the same.

“I think there were always more important things going on and I didn’t want to worry you when they were always dealt with and forgotten about in less than twenty four hours and there was nothing you could have done. I’m sorry.”

“No, I understand I think,” Bernie offers Serena a small smile, “but I hate that our kids will have to deal with this all of their lives”

“Me too,” Serena says gently, shifts so they are sat side by side, shoulder to shoulder, slumps sideways when Bernie tucks her arm around her shoulder, “but we can bring them up to be good people, to understand that we’re all different and that that is ok. But most importantly we can make sure they always know how much they are loved and wanted and supported.”

“We’re so lucky,” Bernie sighs and Serena twists to press a kiss to the skin of her shoulder, “I love you darling,”

“Love you too darling.”

* * *

  
“I’ll go,” Bernie murmurs, squeezes her shoulder lightly when she groans awake to the sound of Ellie crying over the baby monitor. She won’t sleep until she knows the baby is settled again but stays where she is, runs at her eyes gritty from being woken too soon.

“Hey, what’s all this noise about?” Bernie’s voice comes over the speaker and Ellie’s cries immediately calm a little though she’s still whimpering and Serena hears her wife pick her up, can imagine her wandering around the room with their baby girl curled against her chest, whispering soothing words against the top of her head, kissing the downy hair there. It’s something of a surprise when Ellie’s crying increases rather than decreases, usually she settles almost the minute she has Bernie’s attention, has done since Serena left them to bond in the hospital the week after her life saving surgery. She leaves it a little longer before pushing herself up, tugs on Bernie’s hoody over her tshirt and pads through to the nursery, is just pleased that Cam and Charlotte have stayed asleep for the moment.

“Sorry,” Bernie says when she slips through the door and she shakes her head, moves towards the pair, strokes her hand over Ellie’s back and sinks into Bernie’s side, sways gently with the two of them.

“Hello little one,” she says gently and the volume drops a little when Ellie’s eyes find hers and she reaches out for her.

“Oh you want your mummy do you?” Bernie says gently, hands Ellie over and the little girl settles quickly, rubs at her eyes with her fists.

“Much better,” Serena smiles, strokes her cheek, as much as she loves the bond between Bernie and Ellie it’s still nice to know that the baby wants her occasionally too. “What was all that about hmm? Did you want to come and lie in the big bed for a while?” Ellie gurgles and Serena takes that as her ascent, grabs the giraffe from her cot, a gift from Bernie the day she was born and something she likes to keep with her along with the blanket she prefers, and they wander back to the bedroom.

“You go back to sleep,” Bernie offers when they are comfortable in bed, “I’ll keep an eye on both of you until she goes off then I’ll put her back to bed.”

“You sure?” She knows she could sleep but doesn’t resent the need to stay awake either.

“Of course,” Bernie kisses them both lightly, props herself up on her elbow, her other hand tangling with Serena’s against the baby’s back, “both of you back off to sleep. I love you both.”

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real talk time: for the first time in a long time writing hasn't offered the escape it normally does, usually, when I'm not doing great I write and write and write until I feel better but this time around writing has been the very last thing I've felt like I could do. The desire is coming back slowly, which means I'm coming back to all of the half-written things that have been sitting untouched for the last couple of weeks.
> 
> I started writing this I'm gonna say a few weeks ago, I left it halfway through a sentence and when I opened it again last night I had no idea where I'd been planning to go with it so I've struggled. I also promised several people smut last night but you'll notice I chickened out, sorry, it takes a really specific mood for me to comfortably write smut and even though I thought I was almost there I'm clearly not yet, you'll see though, from the end of this chapter, that there's definitely smut coming.
> 
> Thank you all for your continued support, kudos and comments, I know I say it a lot but they are honestly the things that keep me writing. I'm coming back slowly, I've got a few things almost ready to post including the next Sabbatical update so hopefully over the next week or so I'll be able to finish them off. Also, given Bernie's imminent return, hit me up if there's anything you really want to read from this universe either here or over on twitter (@libbysmith_reed)

Serena forces herself to get up when Bernie’s alarm goes off, kisses her sleep warmed cheek on her way out of bed. She heads straight to Ellie’s room and scoops their little girl out of her cot as she grumbles sleepily. She trusts Bernie to get the other two up, wanders downstairs with Ellie balanced on her hip, tickles her fingers over the girl's stomach.

“Mamam,” she gurgles and the brunette rubs their noses together as they hit the bottom step, wander into the kitchen,

“She’ll be down soon love bug,” she murmurs, puts Ellie into the high chair with her teething ring, “she’s just waking Cam and Charlie up,”

“Ma!” she shouts, crashes her teething ring down on the tray of the highchair and Serena chuckles, drops a kiss to the top of her head as she passes to start the coffee.

 

Cam is the next one downstairs, practically tripping over his own feet, rubbing his eyes, falls into a chair at the table after he has said good morning to his baby sister.

“Morning darling,” she smiles, drops a kiss to his head as she passes to give Ellie a bottle, “what do you want for breakfast?”

“Morning mummy,” he smiles, “Mumma and Lottie are having cuddles, can I have toast?”

“I’m sure they’ll be down soon,” Serena sighs though she isn’t surprised, it’s not the first time that Bernie has had cuddles with one of the kids in the morning since coming home and she can’t hold it against her, knows she’s trying to make up for lost time, especially with their middle child, trying to build a relationship with her that had been missing before, “What do you want on your toast?” she asks as she drops two slices into the toaster.

“Do we have jam?”

“Yam!”

“Does Ellie want jam too?” Serena chuckles reaches into the cupboard to pull out the jar, pulls another two slices of bread out of the bag ready to go in once the first round is done. To avoid problems she gives one slice to Cam, slices the other into handy slices and tips it onto Ellie’s highchair. She’s just putting the second slice on Cam’s plate and taking a bite out of the spare when Bernie appears in the kitchen with Lottie balanced on her hip. Her wife looks fresh, relaxed, has pulled on a pair of slightly less form-fitting blue jeans and a white shirt that Serena is almost convinced is actually hers, their daughter, on the other hand, most definitely looks like she has dressed herself, or at least she hopes this isn’t Bernie’s idea of nursery ready; black tutu, black jumper, stripy tights and her wellies, Serena tries not to sigh at the fact she has her fairy wings clutched in the hand against her mumma’s back.

“Morning you two,” she smiles, swaps Bernie coffee for their daughter, kisses her wife lightly and brushes noses with their middle child, “Did mumma help you get dressed this morning Charlie girl?”

“Nope!” Charlie shakes her head and looks proud and Serena doesn’t have it in her to be the bad parent even though she really wants to take the girl upstairs and help her find something more ‘outside’ suitable, “she said wings after breakfast though.”

“Very sensible,” Serena nods, shoots a pointed look at her wife who just smiles, shrugs where she’s leant against the kitchen door frame, “Now what do you want for breakfast, Cam and Ellie have had toast but we have cereal too if you like?”

“No toast ok,” the girl grins as Serena lowers her into a chair at the table, “and mamite?”

“Ok darling, Bernie?”

“This is ok for me for now,” the blonde shrugs, waving her coffee mug lightly, “I’m going to go and make sure none of us have forgotten to pack anything and maybe I should take Ellie up for a wash?” she adds, gestures to the baby who has sticky jam all over her face and hands, some spiking up the front of her hair.

“She’ll ruin my shirt,” Serena says pointedly and Bernie smirks, bats her eyelashes, “I’ll sort her shortly, we still have plenty of time.”

* * *

  
  


They are only a little late dropping the girls off at nursery, Lottie refusing to give up the fairy wings or the wellies before they left and all Serena can do is shrug when the nursery staff give her a questioning grin.

“My wife let her dress herself this morning,” she mutters as she watches Charlotte toddle off to find her friends, hands Ellie over to her favorite playworker after kissing her goodbye, “there are some spare shoes for her in Ellie’s nappy bag in case she decides the wellies are too uncomfortable,” she winks and the girl chuckles, accepts the bag, “and my mother will be picking the girls up tonight.”

“Nightshift?” all of the kids have gone through the same nursery and Serena knows all the staff relatively well, isn’t surprised that they know her well enough to assume it’s a night shift and nothing else.

“No, Bernie and I are going away for the night, she starts her new job in a few days so we’re making the most of it. There might be some changes in pick ups and drop offs while we settle into the new routine but we’ll make sure we let you know.”

“No problem,” there’s a knowing look in the girl's eye and Serena can only smirk, can’t deny the large amount of anticipation she’s feeling about their night away, “enjoy your evening.”

 

Bernie is back at the car when she returns, leaning against the driver's side squinting at her phone, Serena would make a comment about her needing to look at going to the opticians but knows it will fall on deaf ears.

“He go in ok?” she asks as she draws closer, unlocks the car as she goes,

“Fine yeah, the girls too?”

“Didn’t look back,” Serena chuckles, presses up on her toes to kiss her wife lightly, runs her fingers over the collar of her shirt, “so what’s the plan?”

“We drop the kids bags off at your mums then I’m whisking you away, I thought brunch on the way,”

“And you aren’t going to tell me where you are taking me?” Serena pouts and Bernie chuckles, kisses her again lightly before shooing her round the passenger side door,

“No, you’ll see soon enough anyway.”

* * *

 

Serena’s eyes nearly fall out of her head when they take a turn on the long winding drive and the country manor comes into view. She’d been trying to work out where on earth Bernie was taking her since they left Holby but had had no luck and no amount of weedling and persuasive kisses over the gear stick after brunch had changed the blonde's mind. She’s semi used to Bernie being a little bit extravagant but it’s been so long since the last time they’ve had any time to themselves, that she has been in the headspace for this kind of night away that she’s forgotten exactly how well her wife manages to pull it out of the bag.

“Oh Bernie,” she murmurs as they pull into a parking space on the gravel in front of the property, it’s looming and beautiful and she cranes her neck to take it all in, “It’s gorgeous.”

“Wait till you see inside,” Bernie grins, slips out of the drivers side and rounds the car to pull Serena’s door open and help her out, “we can’t check in to our room just yet but there’s a massage and a facial booked for you in the spa.”

“What about you?” Serena turns and drapes her arms over the blonde's shoulders, her wrists crossed behind her neck, “What do you do while I’m being pampered?” 

“There’s a pool, a jacuzzi, a sauna, I’ll keep myself entertained,” Bernie shrugs and Serena frowns slightly, thinks the blonde deserves the pampering just as much as she does, Bernie must see it in her face though, because she smiles, kisses her lingeringly, “I’m very particular about who puts their hands on me.” 

* * *

 

By the time she is done Serena feel like a new woman, doesn’t think she has felt this relaxed since before the accident, since before she nearly lost her wife. She clamps down on that thought, throws it into the box in her mind, locks it and throws away the key, it’s in the past, done, and Bernie is still with them, safely at home, permanently, tormenting herself with the could have beens is as pointless as considering what might have happened if she and Bernie never met, has no time, no hold in her life now. She pads from the massage room in the direction of the pool thinks she’ll find Bernie doing laps, knows she has never been able to sit still for long and the last few months have been more than long enough for her to sit idle, Serena thinks it’s probably one of the reasons she’s going back to work, isn’t convinced that her wife really wants a desk job in the army but also knows that, as much as she loves being home, spending time with the kids, she’s getting restless again, feels like she needs to be doing something to justify her place on earth. It doesn’t matter how many times Serena tells her she wouldn’t care if she never worked again, wouldn’t care if she worked full time or part time, worked in a hospital or a shop, she’s just happy to have her home she knows Bernie will always want to do her utmost to make sure that she can give her family what they feel they deserve. She’s surprised then to find Bernie laid out on one of the chairs at the pool's edge, her skin and hair completely dry, Serena knows she has been busy for two hours, can’t begin to imagine Bernie lying there for all that time seemingly staring into space. 

“Hi,” she says when she hears Serena’s approach, turns her head lazily to the side to watch the brunette walk towards her and Serena wishes she had shed the robe to reveal the swimsuit (and skin) hidden beneath, thinks she might have been able to make that a little more appealing than looking like a fluffy marshmallow in terry towelling, though Bernie still seems pleased to see her.

“I thought you’d be swimming laps,” she offers lightly, perches on the edge of the chair Bernie has chosen, it’s blissfully quiet, only the two of them in the room and she allows her hand to smooth and settle over the blonde's stomach.

“I was finishing my book,” Bernie shrugs, gestures to the book that rests beside her opposite hip, it’s the third Harry Potter book and Serena can’t help the gentle smile she bestows upon her wife, reaches out to brush her fringe back from her face, the books are Cameron’s current favorites but Bernie had missed the chance to read them to their son while she was away and had decided she wanted to read them before the fourth came out so they could read them together and so that she could keep up with him talking about them, “what?” she asks when all that Serena does is smile at her, her smile widening when Bernie looks away bashfully, a blush high on her cheeks.

“You’re just cute, that’s all,” Serena says gently, leans to kiss her wife’s cheek quietly, “did you enjoy it?”

“It’s better than the first two,” the blonde shrugs, “Did you enjoy your treatments?”

“Mmmmm,” Serena agrees, “They were lovely, thank you, I don’t remember the last time I felt this relaxed.”

“Good,” Bernie tangles their fingers together where Serena’s hand rests on her stomach and squeezes, “I checked us into the room so it’s ready when you are.” there’s the smallest hint of suggestion in the blonde's voice but it’s not often they get this opportunity and Serena knows it will be all the sweeter if they prolong the anticipation somewhat.

“I think I’ll take advantage of the jacuzzi for a little while,” she says, pushes herself to her feet and makes a show of untying the robe, drops it to the floor as she walks away, knows she has Bernie trapped when she looks back at her over her shoulder and Bernie’s eyes are glued on her, “Join me?”


End file.
